OCT’ 24

20

We're savoring every penultimate tomato and cucumber (at this point in the growing season, every tomato and cucumber is penultimate 'til it ain't). I roasted the last eggplants- they really hate the cold- with cumin and a smidge of chipotle.  All the potatoes have been dug up. The last pumpkins are harvested. And, our seed garlic is in the ground. There's still plenty of work to do but there isn't the same kind of urgency as in the spring. We're putting beds to rest, preparing shrubs, canes, vines, and trees for their winter slumber. I think it's safe to say that neither of us are feeling motivated to put in a winter garden this year and that's JUST FINE. 

The evenings and mornings are chilly but there is still enough sunlight during the day to warm the air and make us all pull off our sweatshirts and sweaters around midmorning. We've made the switch to hot, black coffee in the mornings. #BLESS And, in the afternoons and evenings, I've gone back to taking the tea (w/ a biccie or two).

I've also been back in the gym for about two weeks now and am happy to report that I am sore all over. It's RUCK-tober so I've been working out with a 20# weight vest on.

A few other signs of fall:

• the making up of all sorts of lists. 

• the trundling out of my sewing machine (because Halloween costumes don't make themselves, now do they?)*  

• a small cache of jars filled w/ bone broth on a shelf in the fridge.

• splotches of beeswax dotting the kitchen table.

• a favorite red flannel is hanging in the closet.

• pumpkins curing on the porch.

• a second slice of dutch apple pie w/ cold custard, while watching "Glass Onion".

• the percentage likelihood that I will buy anything "pumpkin spice" (except candles, ew) keeps going up as I grow older. WHAT'S THAT ABOUT?!!

I will never tire of proclaiming autumn as my most favorite season.

OCT’ 24

12

I know everyone wants to know how our travels went but I am really feeling being HOME right now. Despite the jetlag, I've been determinedly putting the house back in order, reclaiming it as my own by cleaning every nook and cranny. (My family is VERY lucky that I actually enjoy this!) 

I'm sure I've said this before but the elbow grease that I put into my home is how I cherish it and the life that is housed within it. It feels like sacred work to me. I will also confess that it has been immensely satisfying to click that "Order Now" button so that I can luxuriate in the happy expectation that soon my pantry will be restocked with fresh flours, beans/lentils, and spices and that W's fall/winter wardrobe changeover will be complete (she seems to have shot up once again while we were away ). I've taken my knives in to be sharpened, picked up all the Halloween books from the "hold shelf" at the library (BC it's SPOOKY SZN), and confirmed w/ D that we will be decorating the house for Halloween this afternoon.

At the moment, he's out in the yard, digging up the rest of our potatoes. The basement is already full of produce boxes full to bursting with garlic, pumpkins, assorted winter squash, and the potatoes that we dug up before leaving for Asia. Then, there are the flats of homemade jams, pizza sauce, salsa, and dilly beans that present-me is very grateful to past-me for putting up. I've got a load of laundry in the dryer. The cat is snoozing on the couch. Dubs is off at the circus with her grandparents. The day is golden, warm, but also crisp, which is making my nose drip in the mornings and evenings. The leaves are changing and plenty of them litter the ground. I saw the mountains this morning from 30ish Street and WOW (I really, really do love living here). I had my first PSL at January Coffee (local friends, 10/10 recommend it if you prefer your PSL less sweet and flavored w/ actual pumpkin). A neighbor brought over an enormous bag of u-pick apples, which we will have no trouble snacking/baking through in the coming weeks. And, I have successfully revived my sourdough starter after putting it in a deep freeze for our trip.

Are y'all FEELING me?!!

In other news, I will be moving this newsletter/blog onto Substack. I have several reasons for making the move:

1. This will save me the $$$ of maintaining my current site on Squarespace. 

2. And, it will save me the mental overhead of remembering who to send to and of making sure that folks actually want to receive my newsy letters. You'll be able to subscribe/unsubscribe as you wish!

3. I think that there are features on this platform which will increase the likelihood of hearing from you more (which I want!).

In all likelihood, I will implement a paywall. Mostly for the purposes of keeping the crazies at bay. Hopefully, this won't be too much of an imposition.

AUG’ 24

30

We have a very early flight to Vancouver on Saturday morning so that we can catch a very long flight to Seoul. Everything that I could possibly do to prepare my family and myself for this trip has been done. I am nervous as heck, excited as heck, and as ready as I'll ever be. 

Travel is not my natural inclination. I am the ne plus ultra homebody. If it were just me, I would happily indulge in armchair travel via cookbooks if I felt a touch of wanderlust. But, as I am always telling Dubs, I can be brave. And, there's something about having a child to share this experience with that I find irresistibly compelling.

Like most other parents taking their child(ren) on an epic trip, I hope that my kiddo will have a lot of fun, learn loads, grow as a person, etc. As a homeschooling family, we have the flexibility to curate our school work to enhance our life as we live it. Today, I thought it would be a fun departure from sharing about our family systems to share how we've prepared for our, now imminent, travel to Asia. Maybe, the next time you are planning a trip, whether you homeschool or not, you could incorporate one or more of these ideas to help make your next travel experience more meaningful and more fun!

1. "Me On the Map" Unit Study

This study guide is a robust introduction to geography and designed to awaken a child's sense of their place in the world and beyond! There are book lists, activities, discussion questions/prompts, and more for learning about our home, the street we live on, the city, state, and country we live in, and, finally, the continent and planet we live on. Now, we only managed to complete the "home," "street," and "city" units but I am looking forward to working our way through the rest of the units when we get back from our trip.

2. Chapter Books

The "Me On the Map" book lists were a great starting point, which I supplemented with my own research to find picture books that featured the specific places that we would be visiting. I also researched chapter books set in our destinations because they are so much more rich in detail and offer more captivating storylines. 

A Single Shard by Linda Sue Park, set in 12th century Korea, tells the story of an orphan boy who becomes apprenticed to a master potter. We learned quite a bit about the art of celadon pottery and I am hoping that we'll come across some in a museum in Seoul.

Dumpling Days by Grace Lin, tells the story of a Taiwanese-American girl, whose parents take her and her two sisters to Taiwan for the summer. Her struggle to work out one's identity as a first generation child to immigrant parents resonated with me personally. We also learned so much about contemporary life in Taipei, cultural customs, and all of the food that we want to try! Better than any guidebook!

Sherlock Sam and the Missing Heirloom in Katong by A.J. Low, we just finished this book this morning. It's the first book of a series centered on the inventions and investigations of Samuel Tan Cher Lock a.k.a Sherlock Sam. Set in Singapore, we learned a lot about Peranakan culture and, through Sam's love of food, its cuisine.

Hachiko Waits: Based on a True Story by Lesléa Newman

A few years ago we watched "Hachi" the American film adaptation of this book/story and Dubs LOVED it. So, I am excited to read this book to her while we are in Japan. 

We're priming the pump of our imaginations and educating our gaze so that we can notice more when we're out exploring.

3. Safety

In the weeks and days leading up to this trip, we have been feeling all the feels. In a rare quiet moment, Dubs said, "Mom, I feel excited but also scared. And, sad." To which I replied, "Me too, baby. Me too." As she grows up, we've been spending more and more time out in the world as opposed to being at home. An,d the idea of being lost or getting separated from us is scary. Cognizant of this, she and I have spent the past year reviewing safety protocols for what to do if she gets lost. We watched a couple of older but still helpful videos on YouTube (I think one of them was produced by Good Morning America). We read "If I Get Lost: Stay Put, Remain Calm, and Ask for Help" (sorry,  I don't know how to italicize on my phone). Now, whenever we read a book in which a character gets lost, we pause to discuss how the character handled the situation and whether we would do anything differently. As a matter of fact, the main character in "Dumpling Days" gets separated from her family at a night market in Taipei, which presented a timely and situationally specific opportunity to have this discussion again. Lastly, before we go to any large, busy event, we always rehearse our plan in case we get separated.

Okay, friends, signing off in this space until we get back in October!

AUG’ 24

18

If children feel safe, 

they take risks, 

ask questions, 

make mistakes, 

learn to trust, 

share their feelings, 

and grow.

-Alfie Kohn

A slow(er), intentional morning is a major perk of homeschooling. It's not a given and requires some work to set up. But, yes, there is absolute freedom from the tyranny of drop-off times or bus schedules. Our homeschool days run on a rhythm rather than a clock.

If you've read my last couple of newsletters, then you know that I've been thinking through and refining my systems that keep this household running as smoothly as I can humanly manage. We also have systems for fostering connection with one another. D and I have weekly marriage meetings. But, today, I want to share about how we start the day connecting with W before we get on with the business of the day.

We are a family of morning people. Rested, bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, everyone in this house wakes up READY TO GO. (Is this nature or nurture...who knows?!!). After she gets dressed, makes her bed, and, sometimes, feeds the cat, W will play with D until it is time for breakfast. While they play, I assemble breakfast and pull together all of the materials that we will need for Morning Basket. This practice is something that I have done with W since she was two years old. It's a lot of things to a lot of people. So, I will simply offer that, in our family, it embodies my intention to begin the day with "beauty, goodness, and truth." It is my bid to never lose sight of the proverbial "forest" for the "trees" on this homeschooling journey.

So, what do I include in our Morning Basket?

1. Poetry- I am not naturally inclined to seek out poetry though I do love it. During our first year of homeschool, I read from Updike's A Child's Calendar which I absolutely love and which features the vivid and racially diverse artwork of Trina Schart Hyman. It's a beautiful way to introduce the months and the seasons. I love it so much that I reprised it last year and we will be reading it again this year as well. Last year, we devoted a significant amount of time to studying pre-contact Indigenous America. I was fortunate enough to come across Joseph Bruchac and Jonathan London's Thirteen Moons on Turtle's Back: A Native American Year of Moons. UGH, y'all know how much I love a theme. It was perfect. I couldn't find another "calendar" of poems collection for the current school year so I will be reading poetry from Gladiola Garden, a collection of poems "for younger children by a Negro poet," Effie Lee Newsome.

2. Read-Aloud in French- Being bilingual is important to me. I grew up bilingual. My parents were multilingual. Though I mourn the fading away of my mother tongue, I have embraced my love of French language and culture and choose to share it with my daughter. It has become a special way for us to connect (almost like a secret language). Learning a second language can be challenging and will test the patience of any young child at times. Which is why reading in French for pleasure is so important. She loves bandes-dessinées and we subscribe to a lending library through which we receive monthly shipments of books in French.

3. SEL Books- Talking about our feelings is tough. For us, SEL books are a non-confrontational way to surface: (1) interpersonal issues that we may be having; (2) personal struggles that she is dealing with; and/or (3) important concepts/tools that I want to introduce. They pique self-awareness and self-reflection, cultivate empathy and understanding, increase our emotional vocabulary, and model good communication.

4. Seasonal/Holiday Books- There are few better ways to spark joy and a love of literature and life than books about the holidays that anchor our year. Because we do not live close to my family of origin it is one of my primary ways of transmitting my Asian heritage to W. 

5. Historical Fiction- I read somewhere that nonfiction is "learning through facts" and fiction is "learning through imagination." YES, YES, YES! I began including YA historical fiction to our basket last year because I was seeking to foster greater engagement with the events, figures, and concepts that we were coming across in our study of US history. The children's books recommended by the two Charlotte Mason-inspired curriculum that I use, while excellent, were too short. The novels I read to her visibly elicit a deeper emotional connection and, thus, make a far more lasting impression.

As I've mentioned before, Morning Basket looks a bit different in the summer so this is more representative of what's in our basket- and, yes, I do have an actual basket - during the school year. And, we have a new addition to our basket for this year- a growth mindset workbook, which we will work through on Friday mornings. 

Basically, Morning Basket is a daily reminder (except on weekends ) that I'm not raising a test-taker, college graduate, or "good" employee. I'm raising a curious, compassionate, anti-racist, 7 year-old critical thinker who is getting to know and love herself and who is learning how to love others through her words and actions.

I hope you found any of this interesting, useful, and/or insightful.

AUG’ 24

11

It has been gray and rainy here these last few days, giving massive fall VIBES. A foretaste of dark mornings, crisp days and chilly evenings, the turn inward, and the tightening up of our rhythms and daily routine.

Perfect backdrop for turning my thoughts toward the start of school. The BVSD official start of school for elementary-age kids is this coming Wednesday. Familiar feelings of anticipation and excitement have been bubbling up within me for weeks now. Like any other homeschool parent, I hope that our school days are filled with lightbulb-moments, rabbit trails, and laughs. But, I know from past experience that there will also be days when we just phone it in. 

This is why getting my homeschool to the point where we're "going through the motions" is so important. 

I know, I know. This expression usually has really negative connotations. But, from me to you, consistency is THE key to progress. If it's reasonable, we school through illness. If it's necessary, we school through BVSD closures and breaks. One of my primary responsibilities as a homeschool parent is to support my learner so that she can put in her best effort- whatever that looks like on a given day. On most days, this means putting out an enticing snack at Table Time. I'll also take music requests. A 5-10 minute break to allow feelings of frustration to subside are not unheard of. On sick/travel days, I will scale back our efforts appropriately. (NOTE: We do not do Table Time on Friday's because she goes to an art studio on Friday mornings and she has a standing playdate and gymnastics in the afternoon.) I think it's also worth pointing out that we DO NOT school on weekends or afternoons. Her leisure time is no less valuable than the time we spend schooling. To my mind, true freedom is only possible when it is accompanied by accountability.

So, without further ado, here's how I lay down the rails for a new school year:

1. Slow Your Roll

It's not just me, I swear! W also gets pretty pumped up on the first day of school. It would be all too easy to dive into ALL of the wonderful things that I've got planned for 2nd grade (WUUUUUUUTTTT?!!!) right from the get go. Luckily, this is one of those lessons that we've never had to learn the hard way. I have always implemented a slow start to the school year. In practice, this means that I introduce our core subjects a week at a time, starting with the most time-sensitive to the least (math, physics, French, LA, American history). This gives us a chance to gently build back up our good habits of best effort and full attention. It also gives me time to detect any issues that we might be having with a piece of curriculum and make adjustments. 

In fact, we've already got a headstart on Physics I this year. A couple of weeks ago, in anticipation of our trip to Asia this fall, I gave W the option of: (1) starting "school" a few weeks early; (2) schooling through all of the BVSD closures and breaks; or (3) schooling into next summer. It was not a hard decision.

2. SWAG

I definitely have a weak spot for school supplies and will gleefully lean into it for the first day of school. I'll use the occasion to get her things that we need e.g. glue and glue sticks, a fresh set of markers, construction paper etc. And, I also like to get her a few things that are fun e.g. bubble gum (which has the added benefit of helping her to concentrate during Table Time), new books and games, colorful washi tape, a cute T-shirt etc. We don't tend to buy her things outside of a few occasions like Christmas and her birthday so gifts really do make back-to-school a special event in our house.

3. Celebrate! 

Being an ardent lover of family traditions, we always kick things off with donuts at breakfast. This year, the twins next door will be joining us. I love getting other kids involved if I can. After breakfast, W can finally go through her swag bag. We'll take a recess so that I can get a workout in. And, then, we'll come back together for Table Time. Since math is ALWAYS the first subject we come back to and the first couple of weeks of our RightStart Math curricula is dedicated to review, our day's work will be brief and we'll end on a high note.

Additionally, I have organized a little "back-to-homeschool" meetup at our local library for our homeschool friends. I'm bringing materials for the kids to personalize bookmarks. I'll also put together little goodie bags for the kiddos, filled with essential school supplies e.g. bubblegum and a fidget toy.

AUG’ 24

3

OMG OMG OMG

My house is so clean right now!

I left for my book club meeting Friday morning and, when I came home, D and W had already left for a weekend camping trip in Arapaho Bay. After a quick lunch, I got to work. Dusting, vacuuming, and mopping. Today, I tackled laundry, the fridge and groceries, made a batch of bone broth, and FINALLY canned those garlic scapes and a couple jars of spicy dilly beans to boot. 

I am a bit of neat freak. Organizing is definitely a hobby for me. But, over the last seven-ish years, I've had to adjust my expectations. My more-often-than-not messy home is full to bursting with the business of living and I am here for it. Someday, I'll miss the little footprints leading out of the bathroom because little Miss is in too much of a hurry to dry off properly before she makes her exit. Same goes for finding random Legos everywhere, paint stains on the floor and rugs, stuffies, books, pencils and uncapped markers, scraps of scribbles, hair ties of varying degrees of elasticity, cast-off bandages, a random tuft or two of human hair(???), etc. etc. etc. that seem to always be underfoot.

In the meantime, I've got to strike a balance. Just enough order and cleanliness for me to feel sane but not so much that I am quashing the fun and joy of this all-too-quickly-passing stage of life. What follows is how I draw this line in the sand:

1. Kitchen reset, 7 days/wk

I like to clean as I go throughout the day but, by the end of it, I am DONE. After dinner, I leave the clean-up to Davis unless he particularly needs a helping hand. Dishes, wiping down surfaces, taking out the compost, putting leftovers away, etc. Waking up to a clean kitchen in the mornings sets the tone for the day. It is my little and figurative island of calm in the storm.

2. Vacuum, 3-4x/wk

If I only have time to do one thing to reset a space, I will vacuum. If we're having people over, I'll at least vacuum. If Willa is out of the house, I will vacuum. We are a no-shoes-in-the-house household. Like nails on chalkboard, nothing makes me cringe more than stepping on something unexpected when I am barefoot. Also, dust bunnies are my indoor dandelions- I just can't.

3. Laundry, 1x/week

We each have exactly seven pairs of underwear and one towel. When I shop for clothes for Willa, I try to buy exactly seven bottoms and seven tops. I've been rocking a minimalist wardrobe for years now. There is exactly one set of sheets/pillow cases for each bed in our house. We MUST do laundry once a week. Also, is there anything more luxurious than slipping into a freshly made bed?!! I run three loads: clothes, bedding, and extra dirty e.g. cleaning/dish cloths, rugs, etc. Because our utility uses time-of-use pricing for electricity (except on weekends), I try to do laundry on Saturday's right after W comes home from swim lessons. During the summer, I like to keep a bag packed for the pool by the door for her in case the opportunity arises. I love it when an upstream decision enforces good habits.

4. Deep clean, 1x/2-3 months

If I find myself deliciously solo for a few days (as I am now), I will do a deep clean of the house. I also have a tradition of requiring the whole family to help deep clean the house before we can decorate for the holiday season. During the late spring and summer, when I need to devote significant time in the garden, I clean less. During the late fall and winter, I clean more because we're spending more time indoors. I try not to stress as much about it as I once did. 

Sometimes I feel like Atlas with his stone, but mostly I feel good about putting in the work that makes my house a home. If anything, my continual investment of time and elbow grease helps me fall ever more in love with my house and all of its idiosyncrasies.

JUL’ 24

28

One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well.

                                                            - Virginia Woolf 

First things, first (in our house), of course!

We have to talk about the food.

Mine is a family of passionate eaters. It's a big part of the reason why we grow as much of it as we do. It is nourishment and pleasure. A balm for difficult moments or a grace note to a good day. It brings us together at the kitchen table but can also be a token of my love and esteem if we're apart. PRO TIP: A strategically deployed snack does wonders for homeschool morale. 

I am a firm believer in the powder of good nutrition. And, not least because our household is currently Mary Poppins-obsessed, I also subscribe to the philosophy that "a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down." 

Bottom-line: we like to eat. The question is how do I keep us well-fed?

I won't lie. It takes work to eat as we do (gardening aside). But, what I prefer to do is frontend as much of the work as possible one day a week so that the rest of the week feels more spacious. I've learned from 7ish years of growing my own food that we eat what is easiest and most convenient to grab whether it be a bag of chips or a pile of pre-prepped, homegrown fruit and veg. What follows isn't meant to be taken as advice because we and the people we feed are all so delightfully different! However, I am always happy to share what works for me and my family in case that's helpful.

1. Build Meals Around a Protein Source

I will humbly admit that what I cook has become more simple and routine. Instead of following the latest trends and recreating the fiddliest of recipes, I follow the seasons which introduce enough variety into our meals to keep us happy. 

For each day of the week, I build dinner around a source of protein. On Monday's, it's lentils/beans. Tuesday's, eggs. Wednesday's, beef/pork. Thursday's, tofu. Friday's are a little different because I'll put together a snack-y dinner because it's also our movie night. Saturday's are a wild card evening and I'll try to have some fun in the kitchen. Finally, on Sunday's, I'll cook chicken. 

During the summer and fall, we grill more and we eat a lot of raw fruit and veg. This has been super helpful for our transition to time-of-use pricing for electricity. During the winter and spring, my pressure cooker is a workhorse as I lean into all things soup, stews, and braises. 

In case you were wondering, lunch is always leftovers. If I am very unlucky and dinner doesn't stretch to the next day, I will make something no-cook e.g. tuna salad for lunch.

Also, since D and I don't like to eat before we workout, we typically skip breakfast. So, I only need to prepare breakfast for W. See #3 for more details.

2. Process All Produce

Regardless of the season, I have a weekly ritual around prepping food for the week. On the day when D heads out to do our shopping, I clean out the fridge. I pull pretty much everything out and wipedown the shelves and veggie bins. Then, I discard anything which has spoiled and make note of what needs using up before putting it all back in the clean fridge. In the summer/fall, I'll also go out into the garden and harvest whatever is ripe. Once he gets home with the groceries, I wash, spin dry, chop, shred, cut-up greens, veg, and fruit for a week of eating. I fill jars with an assortment of fruit and veg e.g. carrot sticks, cherry tomatoes, cucumber spears, sugar snap peas, sliced bell peppers, blueberries, grapes, cherries etc. This makes preparing breakfasts and lunches an absolute breeze for the rest of the week. FWIW, I also bake a loaf of sourdough bread and prepare a bottle of salad dressing or a tub of dip e.g. ranch, tahini, hummus, etc. on the weekly to accompany our meals. This all takes FOREVER but saves me so much time for the rest of the week.

3. Batch Cook Breakfast

Ever since I read It's Not About the Broccoli, I have made a concerted effort to make sure that W's meals are varied. Monday was "smoothie + egg muffin" day. And, in the winter, it becomes "miso x egg drop soup" day. But, right now, it's "cheesy waffle day." Tuesday is "oatmeal + sausages" day. Wednesday is "scrambled egg + toast" day. Thursday is "yogurt + granola + sausages" day. Friday was "bean + cheese breakfast burrito day" but is now "egg mcmuffin" day. On Saturday mornings, W fetches her own breakfast. She'll root around in the fridge for a fruit and veg (all prepped and in clear glass jars!), while D heats up a pair of breakfast sausages for her, before heading to the pantry in search of the pièce de résistance: cereal. Sometimes, it's Honey Nut Cheerios or Raisin Bran and other times it's Cocoa Puffs, Lucky Charms, Cap'n Crunch, etc. On Sunday's, we have brunch together and I will make things like pancakes/waffles, cinnamon rolls/sticky buns, coffee cake, quiche, fruit salad, a bagel spread, etc.

How do I crank out all of this glorious variety week in and week out? I don't. I aim to do it roughly every 6-8 weeks by batch cooking breakfasts. I'll cook up/assemble big batches of egg muffins or cheesy waffles, breakfast burritos, yogurt, granola, breakfast sandos, and breakfast sausages and keep them in the freezer. Aside from oatmeal and scrambled eggs, which I'll short-order cook, most mornings require little more than pulling the breakfast item of the day out of the freezer and warming it up, then plating it with pre-prepped fruit and veg. I've been doing this since W's preschool years and it works a treat for making the mornings feel more chill. Other things that I get around to doing on a monthly-ish basis: homemade yogurt and bone broth. Obviously (???), I don't do all of these things all at once. Somehow, the work is naturally spread out so that I only need to batch cook one type of breakfast every 3-4ish weeks?

Whew, and that's a wrap! I wish it were an actual wrap. This is how I get it done in the kitchen.

JUL’ 24

14

'Tis the season!!!

No, not THAT season. It's that time of year when homeschool moms begin to plan and prep for the coming school year in earnest. 

So far, I've:

• Sent in our BVSD letter of intent to homeschool. 

• Ordered all the curricular pieces that we will need for the coming school year. 

• Populated my zero-waste teacher planner with all of the important dates that I know about for the upcoming academic year. 

• Refreshed our homeschool rhythm and meal-planning chart.

• Cleaned out my homeschool cart and cabinet.

On my to-do list: 

 Finish reading  

• Wonder Year: A Guide to Long-Term Family Travel & Worldschooling

• The Growth Mindset Coach: A Teacher's Month-by-Month Handbook for Empowering Students to Achieve

• Organize the homeschool cart for the new year.

• Shop for back-to-school gifts.

• Draft a back-to-school letter and make a card for Willa.

• Host a mamas-only back-to-school party.

A lot of people assume that what I do takes A LOT of work and, consequently, A LOT of time.

While I am no stranger to hard work, my goal is always to work smarter. This is especially true when it comes to homeschooling. After all, a girl's got other things that she wants to do! #canigetanamen

Now, what does "working smarter" mean to me?

First, it requires reconciling with the reality that there is no way around the "work." I have given up chasing all the click-bait "time-savers" content. There will always be more work. Yes, money can sometimes lighten the load but when has it ever actually led to less work? You just end up doing other work. At least, I do. So, I've learned to prioritize and set down the rest. 

All that being said, I do believe that bringing some organization to the work, systematizing it, frees up a decent bit of real estate in my mind to be present, to be creative, and to enjoy the fruits of my labor. It's a bit like getting ready for a camping trip- you frontend the work for the experience you are prioritizing.

For example, at the start of our homeschooling journey, I put a good bit of effort into clarifying our family values and reasons for homeschooling, defining our homeschool style after deep introspection and observation, and, finally, researching curricula that aligned best with who we are as people and learners. Now, prepping for a new academic year involves little more than ordering the next level in our math and science programs or continuing to work our way through curricula we already have e.g. American history (my plan is to cover the formation of the federal government, immigration-fueled westward expansion with an emphasis on the experience of indigenous peoples, and the Civil War). 

Actually, the more critical work that I do to prepare for a new school year is to continue to refine our daily rhythm and my systems for managing the household work so that I can reserve my limited mental and emotional capacity for homeschooling. To that end, I have decided to dedicate my newsletters over the next couple of weeks to the systems that I've developed to keep me afloat during the school year. I hope y'all will see it as an invitation to think things through with me.

JUN’ 24

22

I love being at home. But, I will also admit that a little adventure from time to time is good for me. 

Our trip to Europe last fall reminded me that, when I have finally reached my destination, I feel wonder-full. Novelty has a way of piquing one's senses, tickling memory, and sparking the imagination. Instead of being teased out like spinning thread, words come pouring out onto the pages of my bullet journal. 

So, later this year, we have the good, great fortune to go to Asia. D has a number of conferences to attend in that part of the world and, since we both turn 40 this year, we decided to make a big trip of it. While I am feeling very accomplished and comfortable about having turned 40, I also thought it was high time that I do something that makes me a little nervous (in a good way).

On August 31, we will leave for a little over 5-weeks. The itinerary: Seoul, Taipei, Singapore, Tokyo and Kyoto. I am drilling down on our daily itineraries. An exercise which is drawing on lessons learned from our successful trip to Europe. Because, traveling with a young child/ren (!) is no small feat, I thought it might be helpful to share how I make adventure work for me, my kiddo, and the family as a whole.

Without further ado, here are my opinionated, biased-for-introverts astuces for traveling with a young family.

1. JOMO

First things first, it is simply not possible to do all the things. So, let's just nip the impulse in the bud. I know, this seems very counterintuitive. Isn't the whole point of travel to go and see and do?!! The thing is, transitions are tough. On kids. And, consequently, on their adults (introverted or otherwise). They're tricky enough when you're in familiar environments. Abroad? Just say "no." I start by drawing up a list of all the possible things that my family might be remotely interested in doing. Then, I choose ONE activity per day. Just one. That activity must meet two requirements: it must (1) plausibly appeal to the youngest member of our household; and, (2) give us insight into the place, its peoples, and their history/culture. Like, actually enjoy yourself. You want this experience to feel like a holiday and not a reenactment of the Trail of Tears. 

2. Airbnb > Hotel

Hotel rooms are really only good for sleeping. Or, I should say, the hotel rooms that we can afford are really only good for sleeping. Which is fine if you're planning to be out all day, but I just can't. It's too much. We need a place to stay that will allow us to comfortably linger before we head out for the day or to retreat to when we've had enough adventuring for the day. A kitchen gives us the healthier option to prepare some of our own meals. Separate bedrooms make it easier to protect W's bedtime. A washing machine and dryer allows us to pack light. Most importantly, a home-like environment makes it possible to preserve a semblance of our routine at home. This is especially important to me when we're going to be away for a long time. I can't see sights, eat at restaurants, and "shop" day after day. Shopping for local foods and bringing it back to the rental kitchen to cook is one of my absolute favorite things to do when I am somewhere new. I can decompress, mentally unpack, and check in on my people. 

3. Take-out is great too. Seriously!

Going out to dinner with the kid is still a dicey proposition at best. She is the most tired at this point in the day. This is never more true than when we're traveling. Near the end of our first full day in Paris, we made a game-time decision to squeeze in a visit to the Eiffel Tower, which was MAGIC and absolutely the right call. BUT, on the way back to our arrondissement, we encountered ALL. THE. OBSTACLES. I had planned for us to have dinner at a bistro near our apartment so we went...but it was not the quintessential Parisian experience that I had imagined it would be. W kept it together admirably so it wasn't that. But, what we all really needed was food stat, a quick shower, and to get tucked into bed ASAP. A few days later, by contrast, we hit up a rotisserie just before heading back to our rental apartment. Once back "home," we got W showered and set up in front of the TV while Davis and I assembled a very French, very chill multi-course meal which was a much nicer way to end the day.

4. A Park A Day (...keeps insanity at bay.)

A visit to a bakery and a park first thing gets you buy-in from your kiddo for the rest of your agenda for the day. Movement, fun, and a treat never fails to put her in a fantastic mood, which is clutch before you walk a million miles to a museum or other point of historical/cultural interest. Plus, you get coffee. And, maybe it's just me, but I think checking out playgrounds around the world offers fascinating insight into how the local culture perceives children and understands childhood.

5. Down Days

If your travel involves multiple destinations, you should build in a day of R&R before you have to catch that train or plane. We did not do this last year and we will not be making this particular mistake twice. Our transit days were hectic and stressful. Transit days are always going to be somewhat taxing BUT, if you give yourself the day before to leisurely soak up the good vibes of the neighborhood that you carefully selected as your home base, throw in a load of laundry, carefully repack your bags, gather up all the snacks that you'll need for tomorrow, and turn in early for the night...I can only imagine how much smoother our transit days will feel. I'll report back in October. 

MAY’ 24

25

Summer vacation euphoria is contagious. 

Thursday was the last day of school. We spent the morning pasting images of the historical personnages and events that we studied over the course of the year into our Book of Centuries. I also printed out images of the covers of the historical fiction books that we read to paste in too. They've been instrumental in bringing history to life for us. In the afternoon, we headed out to The Bookworm as planned. I came away with an armful full of books for the fall. I picked out the Mercy Watson series for Willa and the first book in the Dragon Masters series. She picked out a new comic book series and a book about superheroes. I suspect that she is a bit intimidated by my selections but I am hoping that, when the inevitable boredom sets in, she'll be more willing to give them a go. For our summer read-alouds, I found a copy of Peter Pan and Return to the Hundred Acre Wood- fantastical, kid-centered adventures. 

After dropping the books off at home and taking a beat to clean W's room, we biked down to The Jungle. It was quite the scene at 5 pm but such a fun place. Unfortunately, the fresh coconut that W had her heart set on was no longer on the drinks menu so we had to pivot to an NA piña colada. But, thanks to our sweet waitress, it showed up in a ceramic coconut. We ordered apps and burgers. The food is good and relatively inexpensive. All in all, a surprisingly great place to take a kiddo. 

Once we were back home, we gave W her "graduation" gifts and the end-of-year letter that I wrote to her. She was fairly well glowing with a sense of accomplishment. And, I felt the healing of my inner child. No grades, no report card to detract from the pride and satisfaction she takes in knowing that she brought her best effort everyday and made progress. When she pulled out the one-page-a-day triple digit math practice book from the gift bag, she practically jumped for joy and only bemoaned the fact that the numbers weren't bigger. I thought to myself, this is how it should be. 

They say that, "Comparison is the thief of joy." Whether it's with the living, breathing kid in the next seat or the "national average" figment of the public imagination. Right now, she really enjoys multi-digit addition. She appreciates the simplicity, beauty, clarity, and reliability of this operation. She CAN enjoy it because it is a skill that she eventually mastered after consistent, solid effort. It has become a pleasure to her because of her mastery. She cannot become distracted by comparing her ability, her effort, or her progress to anyone else's. 

Yesterday, we took W and two friends to the Denver Museum of Nature and Science to check out the temporary Orca exhibit and to watch a 3D movie about blue whales. After lunch, we took the girls to a Thai ice cream shop. The kiddos watched with fascination as the woman behind the counter poured the ice cream base onto a round, frozen surface, added their flavor and addition selections to the milky pool, then chopped and smeared the ingredients with two chisels, before, at last, scraping the ice cream into neat, little rolls that went into their cups. Super fun experience. I know the kids will all be going to camps throughout the summer but, when it's possible, I love to bring the children together. To create opportunities for them to lean into wonder, their autonomy, and fun. ALSO, the things 7-8 year olds say when they're chatting amongst themselves...LOL.

MAY’ 24

12

I feel a bit wistful about the fact that the last of the violets are gone. They're such sweet, petite heralds of spring. But, I love that our lilacs are now in full bloom. In fact, they look better than they ever have and it is deeply satisfying to know that I had a hand in their revitalization. The rhubarb, all leafed out, is hard to miss. I pruned out its flowering stalks so that the plants would direct their energies into producing more edible stalks. The large stands of garlic, given their very erect posture, are also very easy to spot. But, if you were to pass your gaze slowly over our garden landscape, you would also notice that the fava beans, carrots, dill, radishes, turnips, pearl onions, arugula, baby kale, lettuce, snap peas, and shelling peas have sprouted. The apple trees, pear trees, and the cherry tree are in full bloom. The fraise des bois are studded with blossoms too. The grape vines are gathering force and on precipice of leafing out. New blackberry canes are popping up from the soil. While the raspberry canes from last year have leafed out. Ladybugs, bees, and other garden friends are quietly about their work. I will confess to occasionally relocating a ladybug to an aphid-laden plant.

Today is Mother's Day in America. Which has prompted lots of sales but also lots of think-pieces about the state of motherhood. It is...fraught...to say the least. The fractured response to Mother's Day troubles any romantic notions one might have about motherhood, gives the lie to whatever pedestal the role of mother may be sat on. Yet, its importance cannot be denied. One can hold the belief that mothers and mothering are the bedrock of families, societies, and economies. And, acknowledge that many women are engaged in this work but not only women. That many people are initiated into this work by conceiving and giving birth to a child, to children. And, there are many other paths that lead one to this work. Thank goodness we humans are blessed with creativity and imaginations! The experience of motherhood is sacred and profound. And, a woman can lead a full and rewarding life without ever becoming pregnant, giving birth, or raising babies to adulthood. Carrying and giving birth to a child should always be a choice. Flourishing motherhood will look different person-to-person because we're each unique, as are our partners and children. Mothers, whether they also work outside the home or not, are not only mothers. Whitman said it best, we "contain multitudes."

APR’ 24

20

For the past several days, it has been wet and snowy and gray. As I type, snow continues to fall but, thankfully, most of our trees have yet to fully leaf out. The evergreens are DROOPY and remind me of overfilled Christmas stockings. Our floors and counters are covered in flats of tender, sensitive seedlings because our grow shelves downstairs are already full. Far from being a calamity, the precipitation is most welcome even if it feels a bit crowded in the house at the moment. A good soaking is what the recently planted peas, potatoes, beets, carrots, fava beans, arugula- not to mention all the fruiting trees, shrubs, canes, and vines- need. Keeping seeds moist before it's safe to turn on the drip irrigation is one of my more tedious gardening chores. It usually involves going out twice a day to keep that top ~1/2 inch moist. I am grateful for the reprieve.

Our social calendar is fuller than usual this weekend. I've been trying to take a step back from the frequent entertaining that we do. But, I do love to craft a thoughtful menu, prepare beautiful food, set a casual table, and share a meal with family, neighbors, and friends. 

We're hosting an "Italian steakhouse" dinner tonight. A friend has flown her mother out to meet me. For aperitivo, we'll serve aperol spritzes with...glossy Cerignola olives drizzled with mild, buttery olive oil and honey before being showered in flaked, toasted almonds, and finely chopped rosemary...mortadella wrapped around grissini that will, first, be rolled in Calabrian chili butter...a spicy, tomato-seasoned popcorn. Then, we'll sit down to grilled tri-tip steaks that have been marinated in lots of lemon zest, lemon juice, more calabrian chili, oregano, sugar, olive oil, and a hit of fish sauce. To complement: mac & cheese, a broccoli salad w/ roasted garlic vinaigrette, roasted carrots w/ last summer’s homemade pesto, homemade sourdough ciabatta, and marinated roasted red peppers. For dessert, brioche con "gelato" (I much prefer ice cream). The house flavors are: roasted strawberry-buttermilk ice cream, swirled w/ home-grown/-made rhubarb jam, and studded w/ crisp streusel; pistachio ice cream, swirled w/ raspberry stracciatella, studded w/ homemade vanilla bean marshmallows and chopped pistachios; and, finally, a Kahlua-spiked coffee ice cream, fudge ripple, buttered pecans, and chopped Oreos. It's not a menu for every weekend but I enjoy a good FLEX from time to time. 

On Sunday morning, we're having more lovely friends over for breakfast. Passover begins on Monday which means CHALLAH FRENCH TOAST, obvi.

APR’ 24

13

The chives are at least four or five inches tall now. As I cut away dried-out brush, creeping, velvet oregano is revealed. Dark, spindly winter savory too. My hands smelled so good afterwards. I left the rosemary and sage alone. They need little pruning as I've been taking cuttings all winter. The chamomile looks a bit scraggly but green and surprisingly voluminous. The Munstead lavender is in a state. I didn't know how to care for them and they got all gnarly and woody. I timidly cut back the plants but I think I need to make another pass. Cut off the first three inches and thin the branches by about a third. Last week, the rhubarb looked like pinkish, green brains- their leaves are still tightly furled into a ball. Now, they've leafed out. Lush emissaries of spring. The other day, I caught a squirrel trying to nibble the seedlings on our porch and scared it off. Cheeky bugger.

We've been gardening for roughly 7 years now. Former brown thumbs. I grew up surrounded by so much concrete. Davis grew up in the stubborn mountains. The curve was steep. Our determination and joy, exponential. Our lives are grounded in the garden's seasons. We follow these familiar grooves in time like ruts in a road well traveled.

And, yet, each year is also different. We planted fifty strawberry plants last year, in one big patch. With any luck, we'll have our first harvest of fruit this growing season. I would like to plant more currant bushes around our property- a few of them died last year. I managed to prune back our raspberry and blackberry canes last fall so I don't need to do any of that now. Unfortunately, I don't think we have the bandwidth (again) to do anything to the flower bed on the north side of the driveway. 

Growing our own food takes a fair bit of time and work. But, to my mind, there is little better restorative for my soul. When I feel a bit too lost in my thoughts. When my mind can't make out the difference between traction and distraction. When I feel overwhelmed. Stepping outside, getting down on my hands and knees, senses wide open, like windows flung open to let the fresh air in, working with a clear, concrete sense of purpose...it does a body good. And, when we're all out there in the garden as a family...W sowing seeds in her little plot, D and I working alongside one another or separately tackling our own little chunk of the work...it is one of my favorite ways (remember, introvert here) to spend time with them.

MAR’ 24

31

It was still dark outside when I got up this morning but the sun was well on its way up. I turned on the oven. While it hummed away, I put away some of the clean laundry that we folded last night while watching a couple of episodes of "Jack Ryan." When the oven reached 350F, I went downstairs, opened the fridge, pulled out a pan of not-yet crossed hot cross buns, went back upstairs with it, and laid it on the counter. Then, I went back for a second pan in the downstairs fridge- Marmite and cheddar scrolls. They looked even sadder this morning, deflated. 

You see, I had left them to proof in the oven while we were folding laundry and watching tv but completely forgot about them until I was about to climb into bed. They over-proofed and I was a bit annoyed with myself. I am still annoyed with myself as I slipped the pan into the hot oven. They'll still be tasty, but they could have been nearly perfect. Well, as perfect as my skills allow. When I pulled them from the oven, I brushed them with melted, salted butter for good measure.

Fresh bread of any kind in the morning is one of the great pleasures in life. (Second only to slipping into a freshly made bed, feeling the cool crisp sheets.) Now, I've crossed my hot cross buns and into the oven they went. Once they're out of the oven, they'll get brushed with an orange glaze.

The older I get, the more I appreciate the Easter holiday. A period of intentional reflection and prayer as late winter cedes the ground (literally!) to spring. Witnessing and living the truth that all things (good or bad) come to an end and bringing along with it new beginnings (whether we're ready for them or not). A loving God is here, has been all along, whatever we may feel or think. As I work to give up trying to control everything (except for bread dough), the space in my heart for God grows. That's something worth celebrating. 

Now, I've got to go litter the yard with candy-filled eggs.

MAY’ 24

18

I love late spring temps in Boulder. It feels warm, hot even, but there is also a deliciously cool breeze. We are woken up by birdsong and their eagerness for the day to begin is infectious- a good thing because there is SO MUCH to do in the garden. It's just as well that our academic year is wrapping up.

Summer vibes are STRONG at our house. W's new bedtime routine (in bed by 7:30 pm, quiet time for reading until 8 pm) means that she is more likely to sleep in until 7 am. A small luxury. More and more often, she'll linger in bed to read for a little bit before calling out when she's ready for a snuggle. What I love about parenting this stage is that I feel we are at peak balance (in my favor) between independence and intimacy. She is beginning to enjoy solitude but her sense of personal space still envelopes us.

As we tick off our curriculum one by one, our daily rhythm becomes more and more relaxed- it feels like one long, slow exhale. We'll finish up math and French this coming Monday. Wrapped up Noeo Biology I this past week and finished our US History read-alouds (the end of the American Revolution feels like a good stopping point). Thursday is the official end of the BVSD academic year. D will take the afternoon off so that we can celebrate. We'll take W to The Bookworm, our local secondhand bookshop, to browse summer reads (I am hoping to find a couple of good chapter book series for her) and, then, Happy Hour at The Jungle, a tiki bar that serves fantastical boozy and NA drinks. W has had her heart set on drinking out of a whole coconut for weeks. They also serve solid burgers.

I've made almost all of my curriculum purchases for next year. So, funnily enough, it also feels a bit like Christmas. Eagerly anticipated packages arriving on my doorstep every couple of days or so. I'm keeping it simple ("...if it ain't broke...") and to a minimum: Right Start Math Level C, Noeo Physics I, Mon Année de CP avec Sami et Julie and J'apprends à lire avec Sami et Julie Milieu de CP Niveau 2. We'll also keep working through our Oh Freedom! A Conscious US History for Beginners and Blossom & Root's A River of Voices. After much deliberation, I decided to add Mrs. Wordsmith's 2nd Grade English Wondrous Workbook, which is living up to its "wondrous" reputation because I had to hide it away so that W would stop flipping through it.

Packages are also arriving to shore up our snack supplies. And, I've sent D to Target. LOL. School's almost out and there will be roaming packs of children to feed. I've got to pack a lunch and two snacks for two whole weeks when W starts summer camp on the 28th. And, besides, we're on the cusp of snack dinner season. YAAAAASSS!!!

MAR’ 24

23

We were in San Francisco, visiting family, and came home this past Tuesday. As y'all know, it takes a number of days to get back into the swing of things but, boy, am I happy to be home. All things considered (it is family after all, LOL), we had a really good time. Four full nights is just enough time, which is the best way to go out. Also, we had GLORIOUS weather. 

We went to the Aquarium of the Bay, the Exploratorium, and the California Academy of Sciences. PRO TIP: If you are visiting a kid-centric museum on a weekday, do yourself and your kiddo(s) a favor and go around 2 pm. We tried to explore the Exploratorium in the morning and it was MADDENINGLY jam-packed with children on a field trip. Masses of school children high on freedom...shudder*. W was having a very bad time so we checked with staff about when the museum would quiet down and left. We came back later and had a much better time.

We also hit the beach, got burritos, went out for Hong Kong-style Chinese food with the fam, took my mom out for pho, got very good burgers and soft-serve (OMG I LOVE softserve) at Gott's, watched the "Fox and the Hound" on VHS, and took W on a playground "crawl". 

In order to finish our Right Start Level B math by the end of the school year, we brought it with us on this trip. Everyday, after breakfast, I took W out to a different coffee/donut shop where we could work. I liked that it gave us one-on-one time together in the morning. It worked out nicely for my Mom too because it gave her some time to herself. D used the time to go out for a run. And, W LOVED getting to pick out a treat (but I think she also likes spending time with me?!! LOL).

W basked, I mean basked, in the adoration of all of the adults around her. My sister flew out with her husband. Both of my brothers live in the city. And, W's godfather was in town for work. She was getting all the carry-carries. I usually think of her as a little bro but she's also a total lovebug. On our last day, D took W out for breakfast at a diner that I went to as a kid. He wanted to do something special with her since he was going to stay on until Friday for work events.

Now, we're back home. The neighborhood kids are on spring break. At this very moment, a number of them have assembled on our front walk and are crafting with Perler beads (Mother Earth, forgive me). I am at the dining table, typing this, snacking on W's leftover breakfast #tellmeyoureamomwithouttellingmeyoureamom, the front door is ajar, and I can overhear their precious conversation...about butt cracks. I am acutely aware that I already have everything I need.

MAR’ 24

9

Though it snowed this past Thursday and Friday, signs of spring's imminent arrival are everywhere. 

On Friday's, a friend comes over for a standing afternoon playdate. (FWIW, standing playdates are highly underrated. They save one all the scrambling that ensues when you find you are without and in need- which is always when you've got an only child.) As though answering a siren's call that only they can hear, the children have been taking their play outside. It makes me inordinately happy to see. Outdoor play is pure magic-making.

Our egg situation is bordering on the absurd. The egg holder holds two-layers of eggs. There are two more bowls on the counter to hold the overflow. I am thinking that a custard tart is in order. Financiers. Buttercream made with whole eggs. 

Last week, D was in Denver a lot. Which meant that I had the responsibility of getting W to and from gymnastics. We rode the bike + tandem on Wednesday and Friday. There wasn't enough daylight to see us all the way home but almost. I am in awe of my girl's power as I watched her put every ounce of heart and effort into an activity that requires discipline.

I spent the better part of last weekend out in the garden. The lilacs were almost ready to put out leaves. The mock orange was already sporting a leaf or two. There were suckers everywhere. I managed to prune the plum trees, currant bushes, and Siberian pea shrub too. All that's left for me this weekend is to give the bridal veil spirea a onceover and to clean out the flower beds. Crocuses are here- my hungry eyes seek out their cheerful pops of purple amidst so much dull brown. Again, I wish that I had planted some daffodils. Maybe this fall, I will.

Down in the basement, a third tray of seedlings has joined the first two on our grow shelves. At night, a pinkish light shines out of the basement windows. We've eaten through most of our winter squash from last year. Only a couple pounds of kabocha squash remain. We still have loads of potatoes to work through though. They've gone a bit soft and wrinkly, with gangly, sprouted eyes all over. 

...and, yet, when I look out the windows, there's snow on the ground. A reminder that winter isn't quite over yet. I made a big pot of lemony chicken soup for dinner last night. Full of lacinato kale and some of the aforementioned potatoes. I baked a tray of the most enormous CCCs. This weekend, work in the garden will have to wait until the snow has melted off. So, we're off to Target and Trader Joe's this morning instead.

What signs of spring have you noticed?

MAR’ 24

3

Brighter, warmer, longer, day by day. When I wake up, it's already getting light out and I feel as though I've fallen behind.

Downstairs, the first seedling flats sit on heating pads, under lights. Onions. They're beginning to sprout, delicate, needle-like. I know I've said that I am not ready for spring but I can't help but be excited now.

Outside, the bachelor's buttons along our front walk, self-sown, have put out little leaves. And, overwintered scallions have survived the cold, freezing temperatures of these past months to get a jumpstart on spring. Out from under the cover of tatty, brown leaves, yarrow's feathery fronds unfurl. While I was cleaning out the chicken coop, I noticed that the plum trees need a prune, and soon. I dumped a bag of leaves saved from last fall into the run. The poor girls have been a bit cooped up since they are reluctant to walk on the snow that's still on the ground. The leaves provide a bit of diversion, like a treasure hunt.

The transition from late winter to spring is a leap of faith- in more ways than one. In the garden, I watch as the collaboration of sunlight, snow melt, and dark, rich earth transform the dormant, bleak landscape around us. In the kitchen, the back counter is egg-laden. It is also the season of Lent, a time of contemplation and internal housekeeping. 

I have been thinking about what "following God" means to me in this season of life when I primarily identify as a parent to a young child. For much of my early motherhood, I subscribed to the idea that one could "optimize" parenting. There was a "right" or "best" approach to getting your baby to sleep, eat, poop, and grow. I just had to research it. Then, the pandemic happened. And, I worked very hard to wrest some sense of control from a very unpredictable, scary situation. I sewed masks, sprayed down groceries with bleach, started a series of bake sales to support the BLM movement, I put together crafting activities and science experiments to cheerfully while away the hours alone together...I took on the weight of the world because it felt more natural, more comfortable to me. Since "flight" wasn't an option, fight it was. 

It has now been 4 years (?!) since the start of the pandemic. The adrenaline rush and sense of urgency has long since worn off. I kept trying to do more and more but, it seemed to be leaving me and the world around me no better off, not really. In truth, I was ready for winter. It didn't matter if it was 0F or 90F outside. Inside, I needed the unsustainable strategies that I had developed- to prove to myself and to others that everything was going to be okay- to die off, like the leaves on a tree, so that I could rest, heal, and become strong enough to grow more fruitful habits and strategies. 

I feel sturdy enough now to take that leap of faith. To shift some of the burden for righting this world onto God*, to recognize that the world does not begin and end with me or anything that I could possibly do. To receive God's love and, thereby, grow my heart so that there is more space in it for rest, joy, pleasure, peace, grace, and, yes, more love. And, cinnamon rolls. The world could definitely use more cinnamon rolls. Amiright?

FEB’ 24

18

I love Valentine's Day. You're not at all surprised, are you?

Frivolity. Fanciful. FUN.

A sweet and silly way to make merry as we inch towards the end of winter (though I am dragging my heels in spirit). On Wednesday, W and I cut school short so that we could bake cookies and make valentines. We literally used all the sprinkles. She ran out of steam after making one valentine but she was very excited to share the cookies that we baked with her gymnastics teammates and coaches. When she came home, I asked her how it all went. As an afterthought, I added to her effusions, "It feels good to have something to share, doesn't it?"

...

For dessert after dinner that evening, I baked a maple, parsnip, and cranberry cake. I grated the last parsnip from last year's harvest, which I had been saving just to make this cake. In case you didn't know, D loves parsnips. I don't mind them. W has yet to come around to their earthy flavor. But, as we must all certainly know by now, putting a veggie- be it carrot, zucchini, beet or any other reviled legume- into cake is the surest way to make a convert out of even the most persnickety (...I mean, "discerning") of children. Case in point, W has amended her stance on parsnips and went on record to say, "sometimes I like them and sometimes I don't."

...

Dear friend,

You are such a GOOD mom!

It's not about the laundry, three square meals (plus snacks) a day, (proliferating) drop-offs and pick-ups, diligent enforcement of screen-time limits, etc. Or is it?

I've been thinking about the inexplicable love that we have for our children. I say "inexplicable" because, frankly, if anyone else treated me the way that she sometimes does.... And, I would hazard a guess that we've all had those moments.

Yes, I am sure that biology offers an assist. But, surely, that can only go so far? And, what about the grandparents, aunties and uncles, parents who adopt/foster, children born via surrogacy, and all the other loving relationships between adults and children where biology isn't necessarily at play?

I came across an idea from Alison Gopnik's The Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parent and Children:

"We don't care for children because we love them, we love them because we care for them." 

For me, there is a ring of truth to this. I remember staring down at newborn W while I was still in the hospital recovering from childbirth. I knew without a doubt that I would lay down my life to protect her, but I wouldn't have described that feeling as love. The love that I had expected to feel would and did and continues to grow. And, it's not because she's nice to me. 

It was from trying to fall sleep with her on my chest, with a blue light pad between us because she was jaundiced. Going on an elimination diet to figure out what she was allergic to in my breast milk. Holding her during her daily 4 pm crying fit, sweaty, frazzled. Nursing and pumping. Changing diapers. Risking her wrath to bathe her. Speaking to her as much as I could in my feeble French. Just fakin' it all around, till I made it. 

Gopnik argues that it is the caring that changes us. Deepens our love. Anyone else getting strong Catch-22 vibes? We perform those first acts of care and we're looped in a beautiful, terrifying endless cycle- care, love, repeat. 

FEB’ 24

3

It's a gray, drizzly day.

I LOVE IT.

I have noted with some dismay the waxing light in the early morning. For the first time in my recollection, I am dreading the end of winter. I wonder if that means that I've finally been doing winter right. LOL. 

I will miss the quietude. The tacit permission to linger in bed in the mornings or to get into bed early (~8ish say, instead of ~9ish). Stacks of books to occupy what little time I have to myself. Hot cocoa with marshmallows after a nippy walk. Shoveling snow in silent communion with the neighbors- where a silent wave or quick "hello" will suffice and I still get that dopamine hit from seeing and being seen by people I know and like. 

A grizzly day is a rarity around here. Much like packing a lunch for W. Thus, both are an experience to be savoured (that extra "u" that the Brits include in random words is essential here). Permission to linger over coffee and luxuriate in playing with words. It is after all a special occasion. The best kind really because I don't have to get dressed up, clean the house, or cook. (Although, I will have to cook later today for a dinner party that we are hosting.) 

I continue to contemplate motherhood, resistance, and rest. I think it bears repeating that our culture/society is actively hostile to women and girls, motherhood but also father/parent/hood, and human flourishing for all but a few. By design. So, if you manage to get through the day and crawl gratefully into bed at night, to pick your heart up off the floor (again) and carry on, to burn bright with rage but not to ashes, you are winning against daunting odds. And, if all you want is to stay in bed all day, stare down at that forlorn-looking heart, or if you are a bit singed around the edges, it's okay and it's not your fault. It really, really isn't. I believe this.

...

I could never understand my parents' politics. Pretty sure that the only time my dad ever voted in his entire adult life (he immigrated to the U.S. and became a citizen in the 70s), it was for Trump. My mom still refuses to vote. But my dad voted for someone who wouldn't even have allowed him into the country.

My parents survived the after-party of European imperialism/colonialism in SE Asia, xenophobia, racism, poverty, etc. in 1970s/1980s America, to enjoy a measure of success in life. I never knew food insecurity as they did. I grew up in a two-parent household. My childhood was not marred by war or fear for my life. I grew up with a strong sense of possibilities that I felt was my birthright. My parents, understandably, feel/felt a measure of pride in what they accomplished but the "bootstrapper" mentality wasn't/isn't healthy. They defied the odds but they shouldn't have had to. No one should. Accepting the status quo as the way of the world is the first step toward political cynicism. Yes, personal responsibility is important. Sometimes, it is all a person has. But, politics matter. Resistance matters.

...

I used to buy into the "model minority" "bootstrapping immigrant" narratives. My naïveté was shaped by the economic optimism of the 90s, peak-American hegemony, and the buffer of protection afforded to me by my family's socioeconomic class and the diversity of the Bay Area. But, even so, from the time I entered school, I have understood and continue to understand myself as being at odds with the world. I know, this sounds lonely. But I have and am blessed with allies. And, while life seemed simpler back then, I do not regret what I experience as the ongoing loss of naïveté. Because, it creates space for real hope in my life.

Someday, enough Americans will get behind the idea of reparations to the descendants of Indigenous Americans and enslaved Africans in America to make it a reality.

Someday, enough Americans will agree that no one deserves to live in abject, dehumanizing poverty while billionaires walk the Earth and vote for reasonable tax reform.

Someday, enough Americans will see that the female body is sacred and that the souls incarnated in them deserve, at the very least, the same legal rights and protections that are assumed for the male body.

Someday, so. many. things.

Sometimes, resistance will look like voting. Marching. Volunteering. Donating. Even, baking. (In my heart is the running prayer that it will not come to putting ourselves in the way of bodily harm.)

At this time, for me, it looks like gardening, homeschooling, reducing our consumption and improving how we consume, interrogating my motherhood. Trying to discern whether what I am doing with my kiddo- heck, with my life in general- is because of some cultural compulsion/societal expectation to meet a maternal/feminine standard that I have internalized OR is what I am choosing to do in my parenting because I value it, or find pleasure in it.

Resistance is saying "no" to something in order to say "yes" to something else. If I look up from my to-do list or our family's schedule, I can see that this isn't just about the to-do list/schedule. 

JAN’ 24

28

I couldn't tell you what I've been up to but I can say that I've been busy trying to do less. Oh the irony.

I'm saying "no" as graciously as I can but maybe only on the margins? I keep expecting that moment to arrive. When I look up, realize "Hey, there's nothing else to do..." and, then, immediately, be flooded with feelings of calm, ease, and a sense of spaciousness. (Anyone have experience with this? I would love to live vicariously through you.)

I tell myself...

Once I get through throwing W a birthday party.

After my workout.

When the laundry for the week is washed, folded, and put away.

Once dinner is ready to go on the table.

After I water the plants.

When W is at gymnastics.

Once...

After...

When...

Maybe my daughter could stop growing older? I feel like exercise and clean laundry is a decent line to draw in the sand. Three square meals a day though? Too extra? 

I am only sorta kidding. They say that the to-do list is neverending. I suppose I am grateful...it's my PROOF OF LIFE.  In all seriousness, I think I am going to need some new tactics and strategies beyond simply paring down the schedule. Maybe an attitude shift or a new perspective? This business of living, keeping all of the creatures (including myself!) under and just beyond my roof, healthy and happy, having the capacity to offer grace to those who need it and allowing myself to receive it. Maybe, I am already there but just couldn't see it?

JAN’ 24

13

We woke to snow on the ground and subzero temps. I am not unhappy about this. But, I also haven't gone outside yet. I lingered in bed, savoring the sensation of sleeping under the added weight of an extra two layers of blanket. D has already braved the cold to let the chickens out and to hang up their feeder and waterer. They're all accounted for, bless their hearts. (Yesterday, he had set up a heat lamp in the coop.)

I am sat at my computer, with my personal thermos of coffee, typing this newsletter. I still don't take my coffee in a mug. Not since becoming a mother nearly 7 years ago. I've had this thermos for as long. It was a gift from D because he had noticed that I was not drinking the coffees that he was making me. You see, I love coffee. Not because I need it but because a hot cup, black is truly delightful to me. Like Goldilocks, I have a narrow temperature window in which to drink my coffee. Too hot, I wait. Too cold, I don't bother. I know, I am HIGH MAINTENANCE.

Tomorrow is W's 7th birthday. We'll celebrate in the usual way. With a European Christmas market-themed party. Except, it'll be indoors when it is usually held outdoors because it will be even colder on Sunday.  This year, I have taken inspiration from the markets of Italy. And, the children will decorate their own gingerbread wreaths with imported Scandinavian candies because the Scandinavian countries really do know their candy. W requested an ice cream-filled panettone for her birthday cake. (Who am I to deny the tastes of my almost-7 year old? ) 

I can FEEL a chapter of my motherhood closing. I no longer hold a baby or toddler or little kid in my arms. I have a full-on KIDDO who sometimes puts on the airs of a tween (a natural hazard of associating with and adoring the 11 yo twins next door). She is still hilariously and, at times, exasperatingly playful. She does not believe in babysitters because she ISN'T a baby anymore! She had her first sip of champagne at Christmas. She regularly takes sips of my coffee. She can almost be counted on to remember to brush her teeth after eating breakfast. She is learning what it means to be a member of a team...and it's hard- full of taking ownership of one's own actions and having responsibilities. BUT, she still smooshes her face into mine for a kiss. When she climbs into our bed on a lazy morning, she flops onto me with the abandon of the toddler that she once was. She wants me to watch her doing stuff all the time. She can't imagine why, when she's at the ripe old age of 21, she wouldn't still be living with us. She never wants to "born a baby."

So, it seems that I have many more chapters to look forward to, including the one that we're currently writing together. Her childhood, my motherhood. I am still in the driver's seat, but she is no longer just a passenger. She's an incorrigible, infinitely lovable back-seat driver. My ride-or-die.

JAN’ 24

1

Winter is here and a new year is upon us. I have always loved beginnings but I've never really given much thought to endings. Have I just been piling onto myself all these years? Goodness!

Looking back on the last twelve months, we all grew up a lot, as individuals and as a family, and I am so proud of us.

W really came into her own personhood this past year and I struggled to adapt as much as I marveled at the person she is becoming. After a lot of reading, reflection, and a family meeting last January, we finally had a breakthrough and homeschooling became something that worked for us instead of being something that we were working on. I probably say this every year but, here I go again, I REALLY can't believe that she will be turning 7 in a couple of weeks. She reads! In French now too! She adds 4-digit numbers! She is a cartwheel machine! 

After years of coming in second or third, I made taking care of myself a priority- working out 5x a week, testing out a new morning routine, taking myself on a daily walk, getting in that alone time, eating that PROTEIN. I feel more like my own person again and less a simulacrum of some idealized version of an American mom. 

2024 is going to be a milestone year for all of us. W will turn 7, which is a big deal in Waldorf circles. And, D and I will be turning 40. WHAT?!! 

There's a lot to look forward to in 2024 but, first, I have a few proclivities that I am ready to put down/leave behind because they no longer serve me:

Perfectionism. I think striving for perfection protected my young ego once. But, it's just not possible and I am tired of chasing after it. My greatest ambition is to be a relaxed woman. At ease. I want to let go of the compulsion to seek total control because not everything worth having can be forced, willed, strived for. I want to free up all that mental bandwidth for sensuality, curiosity, playfulness, and pleasure.

FOMO. When I was younger, I felt that I had to say "yes" to things. To experience more and grow from that experience. But, I am realizing that in life, as in the garden, pruning is just as important as sowing seeds in order to truly thrive. And, as W grows more and more independent, I won't, can't, shouldn't be there for all of it. I am ready to embrace the truth that I am more of a JOMO kinda gal at heart. To my own benefit and the benefit of those around me. This past summer, D and W went on a dads + kids camping trip that he organized and it was AMAZING- for me, for them. Proof that parenting doesn't have to be a zero-sum game. 

Saying yes (when I really want to say no). It's worth saying twice because this is SO hard for me to do. 

What do I want for 2024?

"Stop measuring days 

by degree of productivity and

start experiencing them

by degree of presence."

- Alan Watts

The childhood that I'm creating for her, is also my motherhood. And, I don't want it to pass by in a blur. This year, I am looking to put into place habits that help me. Give or preserve energy to listen. Create ample space for laughter and rest. I want to get to a place where I am only doing what feels genuinely right in my intuition and letting everything else go. I want to use my energy intentionally, to make efforts without forcing. In parenting literature, there is a common refrain that we are least able to tolerate in our children that which was not tolerated in us when we were children. This year, I choose to prioritize my own healing so that I can embrace all of my daughter's weird and wonderful ways. 

DEC’ 23

9

Yesterday evening, it started to snow as D and W* biked home from gymnastics. And, it must have continued to snow through the night because we woke up this morning to a wintry wonderland. In my excitement (it's been a warm week, folks), I made my bed (after a quick snuggle in it with W), got dressed, went into the kitchen and pulled together the ingredients for vanilla bean marshmallows. 

Now, I am sat at our dining table, typing out this newsletter. Meanwhile, on the counter, a slab of pillowy soft marshmallow sets in its dish. Today is a get-outside-and-play-in-the-snow-until-we-are-too-cold-then-come-inside-for-hot-chocolate-and-marshmallows kind of day. You know what I mean?

I also have a small confession to make this morning. We still don't have a tree. We've hung up garlands wrapped in lights and spruced** up with dried orange slices. A vase on the back counter of the kitchen holds merry branches of winterberry. Our menorah graces our dining table. Dreidels too, at the ready. I've been cranking out cookie dough and surreptitiously processing the steady influx of presents. So, we just haven't had the time to go cut down a tree. Hence, our current plight. It's fine. Like, really, actually fine. 

*stops typing, looks around, then, turns gaze back to the screen*

Did I just evolve? As a mother. Heck, as a whole person.

I mean, Christmas is the ne plus ultra scène from which mothers in America, and, likely, the world over, perform miracles. We fold into our already crazy mix of daily living: holiday decorations, parties, crafts, movies and games, outings, stockings, advent calendars, and presents. Homeschool moms are not immune, in fact, we may be driven to ever greater feats of magic-making simply to prove that our children are NOT missing out. 

But, you know what? Despite the tree-situation, my daughter continues to grow sturdier, more delightful, fiercer and more independent each day. And, I, rather unexpectedly, now, find myself recovering a sense of perspective. When she was younger, I was always trying to imagine how things must have seemed from her point-of-view so that I could anticipate her needs. Well, W is QUITE capable of advocating for herself these days. So, sitting where I am, I can see all the ways in which I have been ceaselessly striving to perform American (...and French...Danish...Swedish...there are so many more options these days, lol) motherhood and...I am kinda just over it?

Not with motherhood, LOL.

I still want to be a good mom. Always will. But, having gone that extra mile, and, then, another mile, year after year, especially around the holidays, I'm ready. Ready to let go of perfection. Ready to rest in my good enoughness.

We'll get a tree, eventually. Today, I want to play outside with my family. Then, drink hot chocolate...topped with homemade marshmallows. Baby steps, people, baby steps.

NOV’ 23

25

It snowed overnight Thanksgiving Day.

We woke up on Friday morning to a wintry landscape outside our windows. W pulled on her snow pants, new snow boots, and winter jacket for the first time this year. I watched from our windows as she puttered around in the snow, made snow angels, and dug out a long-forgotten bouncy ball.

As part of an annual tradition that I have, I scrubbed out the oven with my good friend, Barkeeper's Friend, before I fired it up and popped in a sourdough cranberry-walnut boule for lunchtime sandwiches made up w/ our Thanksgiving leftovers. Then, D brewed coffee while I warmed up pies (sour cherry and maple-bourbon pecan). I put on Christmas carols. And, we settled down to one of the most anticipated moments of the year for me. Pie for breakfast with black coffee and carols. Then, we commenced our annual top-to-bottom home clean-up. W dusted baseboards. D dusted the harder to reach spots. They also cleaned and pruned all of the house plants. I purged our belongings and vacuumed the couch. Friends stopped by in the afternoon. The girls got a movie and the adults got to squeeze in two games of Blokus. After W went to bed, I did some holiday shopping. 

It's snowing again this morning. I love it. We shoveled. W is having a candle-lit breakfast. Once we get up from the table, I plan to vacuum the rest of the house and mop our floors, defrost and clean out the chest freezer, and make a big pot of jook to soak up more leftovers. At some point, I'll have to sit down and calendar December. But, for now, I am savoring that feeling of being in a space that time seems to have forgotten. 

NOV’ 23

19

To an (mostly) avid homecook, Thanksgiving is the pinnacle of holidays. Yes, we will look to gather with people we love but everyone's focus is on the meal. And, while the menus for other holidays may change in accordance with whimsy or fashion, Thanksgiving supper is legendary- literally. Certain dishes MUST appear. Made according to specific recipes. We all have our non-negotiables. Or, maybe it's just me? 

A Thanksgiving ritual that I have kept up since I was a young adult is to be sure to invite at least one party to our table who have found themselves in want of a place/s at a Thanksgiving table. Friends who live far from family. Friends who don't care enough to host but would be happy to celebrate. Friends who need a break. I can't think of a better way to honor the spirit of a holiday that simultaneously symbolizes our American ideals and reveals how far we have to go to live up to those same ideals. IYKYK.

Another Thanksgiving ritual that I adopted as an adult is the Japanese principle of washoku when it comes to menu planning. I consider dishes that bring a variety of colors/flavors/tastes and utilize a variety of cooking methods to create a harmonious plate. Davis deep fries our turkey. I make cranberry sauce, gravy, green beans almondine, and a citrusy, red cabbage slaw. This year, I am swapping out the mashed sweet potatoes for mashing potatoes that we harvested from our garden a few weeks back. And, instead of cornbread, I'll be roasting some beautiful, homegrown honeynut squashes for our table instead. BUT, I cannot not have maple-bourbon pecan pie. But, but, to shake things up and to make use of the fruit that we harvested and froze last year, I will make a crumb-topped sour cherry pie. Davis has asked that I only make two pies this year (as he does every year). I'm really gonna try (as I do every year), LOL.

NOV’ 23

12

I am a fairly predictable creature.

I take a big drink of water before I'll allow myself that first sip of coffee.

I work out between Morning Basket and Table Time.

I refresh my sourdough starter on Sunday night so that I can mix/shape/proof on Monday, and bake bread on Tuesday morning.

I can never have just one RKT (or even just one kind).

I must have turkey on Thanksgiving.

I DON'T travel...

...until I did. 

To be clear, I love the adventure of travel- it has a way of revitalizing one's senses and imagination. But, I really, really, REALLY hate the commute. It is so onerous to me that it is something that I will usually only undertake for people that I really, really, REALLY love (w/ minimal grumbling). My last memory of being on an intercontinental flight was that it was pure misery. So, I was rather pleasantly surprised to discover that flying on a plane at 20% capacity is an altogether much more tolerable experience. 

While everyone else was at work or school, we traveled to Copenhagen, Amsterdam, and Paris. Of course, it was cold and sometimes rainy. But, we came prepared and, most of the time, the weather odds broke in our favor. We took in as much as we could with the time/weather that we had, visiting playgrounds, bakeries, museums, an amusement park, markets, castles, landmarks on foot/by bike or transit. The misanthrope in me really enjoyed visiting these cities during their shoulder-season. That said, we still could not get a slice of appeltaart because the line outside of Café Winkel 43 in Amsterdam was ridiculous, even in the pouring rain. (We checked both in the morning and afternoon.) I can only imagine what it must be like to try to visit these places during the summer.

Being the aforementioned creature of habit that I am, we quickly settled into a routine of visiting a bakery first thing in the morning. Caffeinated and sugared-up, we explored until it was time to pick-up groceries and head back to our Airbnb to make dinner. Impossible to recount all of our doings here but I can share some highlights:

• - The Copenhagen baking scene is LIT. Paris, LOOK OUT! Of all of the QUALITY bakery items that we sampled, it was the humble breakfast bun that stole my heart. A crusty sourdough roll ("choose your fighter" we chose a seeded roll one day and a cheese & scallion roll on another), sliced, buttered, and filled with a few thin slices of cheese. I'll admit, it doesn't sound bad. But, it doesn't sound good either. It is VERY, VERY good.

• - Tivoli Garden was decorated specially for Halloween and it was magnificent. We were lucky that it did not rain on the day that we went. I rode exactly one rollercoaster- the one advertised as the third oldest ride in the world- and I'm all set for life now. W, meanwhile, is an absolute speed demon. She started on the ferris wheel and merry-go-round and eventually exhausted all of the rides that she was tall enough to get onto. And, y'all, she is tall for her age! I kept waiting for the moment when I would find her in tears, coming off a ride. Instead, she was all smiles as she regaled me with the details of the ride- how they went sideways and upside down and so on.

• - The Rijksmuseum in Amsterdam. All of the museums that we went to in Copenhagen and Amsterdam had excellent children's programming/spaces. The most impressive one and the one that really converted W into a museum-lover was this one. We signed up for a scavenger hunt that took us all over the museum with roughly a dozen mysteries/puzzles to solve based on famous works of art (e.g. Mees, Rembrandt, Vermeer) and memorable historical artefacts. After every mystery/puzzle that we solved, we would receive a letter that would eventually spell out a secret password that we could use in the museum gift shop to redeem a prize. I am so used to facilitating activities for W but this experience stood out because I had so much fun doing this with her.

• - The Eiffel Tower at night. I wasn't really interested in visiting the Eiffel Tower and I was already tired from what felt like a long day. But, W had her heart set on climbing it so we raced over as the sun was setting. We were a little surprised to find a security queue just to enter the area right under the tower. We remember a time when you could just walk up to it. After getting through that queue, we had to get in another one for tickets. While waiting, we attempted to buy tickets for D and W online. And, it worked! So, we hopped out of line, they went right in, and I went quickly in search of the restrooms. I did not want to miss the moment when the tower would sparkle. As I was climbing up the stairs out of les toilettes, looking up the whole time and hoping that I hadn't missed it, the lights on the tower began to glitter and there was a collective "ooooohhh!" Paris is not a terribly friendly city, absurdities abound, and it does seem as though 20% of it is always en panne but if you can catch her at moments like this- it's simply magic.

• Our gustatory experience in Paris was uneven. We were disappointed almost as often as we felt that we had... the word I want is "déguster"...something truly sublime. Standouts include, a revelatory chausson aux pommes at Sain Boulangerie and savory galettes from a small stall near the Luxembourg gardens. La Grande Épicerie was also amazing. The yogurt and butter selection is out of this world. I also received the highest compliment from one of the ladies behind the counter. During our exchange, I was trying to buy a few kinds of tortellini and to solicit her opinion on the best way to prepare them, which was testing the limits of my vocabulary. She took a moment to tell me that I spoke French very well. And specified "without an accent." I couldn't have been more pleased.

• I also couldn't have been more frustrated. Up until that point, I was having a very frustrating experience communicating in French. Everyone spoke so FAST. Which I know is normal and very Parisian. But, they're also so brusque that I was left feeling a bit like a ding-dong when I had lost the thread. It hadn't occurred to me that my interlocutors may not be able to tell that French is a second language for me. So, after La Grande Épicerie, I made it a point to say something in English to D or W during any exchange and I noticed that people spoke more slowly and were a little more patient while I did my best.

OCT’ 23

14

The table and counters are overrun with tomatoes, a vase of basil cuttings, perhaps my last flower bouquet of the year (marigolds and cosmos). Our front porch is littered with kabocha squash, an errant honey nut, and loads more mystery pumpkins. They make a less litter-y effect in the house as our edible fall decor. I haven't been outside yet to see what survived overnight. I'm hopeful that the tomato plants will have just made it through our first night of freezing temps.

The Halloween decorations are up. A theme is emerging: spiders. (Spooky but not scary or worse CREEPY shivers*) I like the idea of our house becoming the "SPIDER" house. We add one or two new decorations a year. It gives us the shopping to look forward to every October and it saves us from too many impulse purchases. The enthusiasm is the main thing, after all.

W just cracked open the box of Count Chocula. She's VERY happy about it. We also found a bag of ghost-shaped Pirate's Booty at Target and couldn't resist. She is a little bit bummed to be missing Halloween in our neighborhood...in the U.S. So, we're going to revel in all of the Halloween fun to be had until we go. 

In 10 days, we leave for Copenhagen, then Amsterdam, and, finally, Paris. I am excited, only a little anxious, and definitely conflicted about burning up all that petrol. It will be W's first intercontinental trip. I think we may leave behind all of our schooling materials and just bring along journaling supplies. Of all the things that we could do, the thing that I most want to have happen is for Willa to reflect on and record her thoughts and memories from the trip. So, I am going to prioritize. Sensible.

The days fly by. There is so. much. work. to be done in the garden. Clean- up, yes, but we also have potatoes, parsnips, and beets to harvest, garlic, scallions, parsley, and spinach to plant. Will I or won't I can tomato sauce? LOL, the internal debate continues. There's also cabbage to ferment into sauerkraut and kimchi.

It's a good life but it can also feel like a lot.  A few weeks ago, I was catching up with a friend. And, we had a good laugh over how nutters life feels whatever kind of mom you are. She was imagining what life must be like for me as a parent whose work is firmly rooted in the domestic sphere. And, I can only imagine what life must be like to balance one's home life with a professional career. All I can say is that, sometimes, baking our weekly bread is the romantic endeavor that you imagine it to be, and, other times, it's just another thing on the list. And, we've all got too many things on our lists.

Our world breaks open, falls apart around us. Uncomfortable, even painful, feelings, questions, reflections fill the void. For those of us who are here and not there, I offer a gentle reminder that there is comfort and progress in the activities that order our lives and align it with life, justice, peace.

SEPT’ 23

30

The days are short enough now that I can justify lighting candles at dinner. Eventually, I'll light them at breakfast too. I prefer unscented, beeswax tapers which, when burning, is already a scent unto itself (and one that doesn't give me a headache or make me feel nauseous). Warm, autumnal daylight giving way to the golden glow of candlelight in the evenings. I'm SO here for it. So much so that I even have a candle budget which I don't intentionally ignore but somehow always exceed.

We've just come back from a week in Boston/Maine. It was chillier there and the dense forests, sometimes shrouded in morning fog, have already begun to turn. I must admit, it was a bit of a shock to come back home to such warm weather. I am ready for piping hot bowls of soups, stews, and braises. But...I also want another BLT. LOL. New England vibes are not for me BUT I don't know that there is a better place to experience fall (...unless, maybe, it's Paris. I'll let y'all know in a month! ). You need a bit of dampness for decomposing leaves, mushrooms, pulling on warm layers, the urge to chase away the cold by sipping on all things hot, etc. The only thing I didn't love was how BIG my hair got.  It may seem like a small thing but I feel, in part, like I can live my best life in CO because I like the way my hair effortlessly (and I mean EFFORTLESSLY) falls and feels in our arid climate.

Back to our recent trip, we packed in a lot. We saw family and college buddies (both our own and D's parents'), visited the Plimoth Patuxet Museum, stopped at an orchard for some apple picking and cider donuts, spent two days at the Common Ground Fair, and explored coastal Maine, including tide pools and a hike in Acadia National Park. It was also a really nice way to spend time with Ds' parents. I especially loved our family dinners full of locally-grown/caught/raised bounty prepared in a slightly inadequate kitchen (I do relish a kitchen challenge!).

It is good to be home, though. I spent the whole day yesterday cleaning the house, doing laundry, and churning ice creams in anticipation of the Mid-Autumn Festival i.e. Asian Thanksgiving. With any luck, today I will be shaping snow-skin mooncakes filled with homemade pumpkin cheesecake ice cream + speculoos swirl, apple pie ice cream, and dark chocolate-nocino ice cream + toasted walnuts.

SEPT’ 23

20

The transition back to school is still unfurling in my mind and heart. But, I think, when we get a couple more weeks under our belt, I'll feel like I've got more of a handle on things. (phone a friend* do I ever feel like I have a handle on things?!!)

Because W's Friday's are pretty full-on, we had a small but festive Rosh Hashanah celebration en famille yesterday. I baked a round, braided loaf of challah, studded with sherry-soaked raisins. Roasted a kasha-stuffed chicken, crowded with celery, potatoes, and parsnips from the garden and Ela Farm apples. Creamed kale accompanied. We lit our shabbat candles. We sang our prayers. It was really nice, except for the fact that we were eating dinner far later than usual because an enormous, stuffed chicken just takes longer to cook through. And, a tired W is an easily irritable W and she really couldn't quite get past the unique taste of kasha yesterday evening. Ahh...the best of intentions. 

There is a bucketful full of beets to pickle. I will tackle it this weekend. Golden beets that will brighten up a cold winter day's meal. I also have tomatoes to turn into sauce and can. I'm all about that squirrel ENERGY.

This coming Tuesday, we leave for Boston/Maine. We're heading to the Common Ground Festival organized by the Maine Organic Farmers and Gardeners Association. We went in our late 20s and are excited to share this experience with Davis' parents and Willa. Before we head up to Maine, we'll see some friends/family in the Boston area and visit the Plimoth Patuxet Museum. The serendipity of this opportunity to experience colonial and indigenous life is making my nerdy nerd nerd heart sing.

I have decided to leave most of our homeschool materials behind. Instead of carting them along and hoping that we'll squeeze the schooling in, I want to center our travel experiences. I'll pack our current, very on-point historical fiction read-aloud, French phonics workbook, and whichever Life of Fred book we are working through. I plan to do an abridged, combined Morning Basket/Table Time. BUT, what I am super excited for is to introduce to W the activity of travel journaling. I bought a new tote specifically designed to carry our art supplies- brush/fine-tip pens, color pencils, watercolors, brushes, stickers, stencils, tape runner, and a small printer for my phone. My goal is to have W journal about a favorite experience/memory from each day of our trip and I'll journal alongside her too.

I'd better get a wriggle on. As always with travel, there is a fair bit of work to accomplish on the front end but, for once, I am too excited to mind it. WHO AM I?!!

I suppose Whitman said it best.

SEPT’ 23

2

I do love a long weekend.

The warm, autumn light seduces us into lingering. W has been sleeping in a little later. Before she gets up, we've taken to sipping our coffees on our stoop. Soaking up this delicious sunlight. Our relatively slow mornings have lately been stretched to make time to finish a pot of tea at breakfast/Morning Basket.

I feel less ambitious and more present, which is not the back-to-school vibe I was expecting. 

On the schooling front, things still feel up in the air. This past week, W went to all of her commitments outside the home: homeschool meetup, gymnastics 2x, and homeschool art. Right now, it feels like a lot. She seems happy though, if a little tired- she rides her own bike everywhere now. I am glad that we decided to drop swimming until next spring.

We're still easing into our full course of study. This coming week we'll resume our study of US History. We spent most of our summer learning about Indigenous peoples (pre-European contact) through stories, documentaries, videos, and reading Children of the Longhouse as part of our Morning Basket. It wasn't until I landed on reading a novel together that I found a compelling way to highlight the humanity of the people we were studying and, thus, foster a more personal connection. Then, I felt ready to move on.

We also broached the topic of slavery but I pressed pause on that to spend some time learning about African peoples, cultures, and countries. It didn't feel right that our first exposure to African peoples was in the context of slavery. Our novel for this unit will be the Anna Hibiscus chapter books. So, we'll continue to work our way through the peoples/cultures/countries of Africa while we also begin to learn about the first Spanish explorers of Central and South America. 

After reading an outdated-version of the Christopher Columbus story, we watched a more honest video about that bit of history which mentioned rape. I didn't think it would catch her attention but, then came the question, "Mom, what is ripe [sic]?"  Which required a more technical discussion of what sex is. But, eventually, I bumbled my way into couching the subject into a broader discussion of consent and respecting body boundaries- language and concepts that she is already familiar with. And, she seemed satisfied with that. WHEW. I hate struggling but I did my best to get it right. The most important thing is that she feels that she can ask me anything and that we can discuss anything together. I am beyond grateful that I get to be the person helping her make sense of these tricky topics.

I am eager for autumn but also enjoying these final summer days. The fall garden having been planted, we are, now, babying seedlings and sowing for the winter garden. Meanwhile, our counters are finally overflowing with tomatoes and eggplant. I didn't do much canning this year.

That's okay. 

AUG’ 23

26

Back-to-school is a SZN.

The hush that has fallen over the streets is punctuated twice a day by a steady stream of children with their parents on their way to and from school. I am sipping a hot coffee for the first time in months. The skies are overcast. I have plans to hit up the Farmer's Market for corn, stone fruit, and melon. Maths, field trips, and structure. Hoodies and mugs of tea. YES, YES, YES.

It actually feels like summer is waning. And, we are on the cusp of my absolute favorite season- autumn.

We have houseguests at the moment. We fold them into our daily rhythms the way one slips on a favorite sweatshirt. It's all comfy, cozy. Work, study, play breaks, family meals, and, after Willa goes to bed, chats that naturally peter out around 9:30 pm because we get so sleepy. When you make friends in childhood, you imagine together a lot of things about growing up and what life will be like. A gift I could scarce imagine, let alone anticipate, is witnessing how much love there is between them and our daughter. Cultivating friendships is not for the faint of heart. Love between friends takes time and effort. To see that love spill over to her, that abundance is nothing short of a miracle. 

AUG’ 23

20

We've just come home from a camping trip and, even though we were only gone for two nights, there is plenty of home work to catch up on.

First, I gave in to the strong urge to clean house. I dusted baseboards, vacuumed, mopped, laundered (so. much. laundry. how?), wiped down surfaces, and upcycled some leftover lamb into a Japanese curry w/ homegrown turnips, carrots, and celery. I haven't really been out in the garden yet. I just popped out for a few flowers to refresh the vase that I like to keep on our dining table. I clipped some marigolds and yarrow to flatter the large teddy bear sunflower that is still going strong.

I love/hate camping. If I could manage a shower every night, I would love it so much more. LOL. Getting away from home and technology and away with family and friends in nature is such a cure for the ills of modern life. We brought books and games. We hiked. We cooked over a fire in the evenings. Food, in general, tastes brilliant when eaten outdoors even if it is just hotdogs on a stick. Two nights is my sweet spot i.e. what I am able to tolerate. As I mentioned before, I am wretched without a shower but there are also only so many nights where I can stand to sleep as though I were an oscillating fan- side, back, other side, back, side, back, and on and on.

Anyways, I've come back happy to be home. I am feeling very nest-y and eager to settle into a new school year. We're easing into our full course of study. For us, that means Morning Basket comme d'habitude and a math review lesson. This coming week, I will feather in French lit. Some of Willa's activities outside the home start this week too. She has gymnastics on Wednesday and Friday afternoons (don’t get me started…) starting this coming week. And, next week, Homeschool Art at Tinker Art Studio on Friday mornings. 

Well, I'd better get a move on. There is bread and cookies to mix and bake. A garden that needs surveying and tending. Still more laundry. I hope everyone is having a nice weekend.

JUL’ 23

29

The other day, we received an email from the coach who runs the gymnastics program that W participates in. After joining a feeder class for the competitive team last year, she is now being invited to increase her commitment from one session/week on Wednesday's from 4:00-5:30 pm to two sessions/week on Wednesday's and Friday's from 4:00-5:30 pm. 

Y'all, she's six years-old. 

And, I really don't like being put in the position of having to say "no" to yet another thing that makes me feel like I could be denying my child a "real" opportunity. 

Things seemed simpler when I was growing up in the 90s (in an urban, middle-class, Southeast Asian, immigrant family). Back then, "Just say NO" only applied to things like drugs, alcohol, teen pregnancy/STDS, peer pressure, B's on your report card (kidding! (not kidding)), etc. But today's perils of overscheduling are far more insidious. Nowadays, I find myself constantly battling self-doubt and the fear heaped upon me as the parent of a young child in today's late-stage capitalism hellscape. 

At the end of the last school year, I decided- in consultation with Willa- that we would stop dance lessons. Ya girl still loves to bust a move. But, we don't have to make it a THING (with a weekly late-afternoon commute, tuition fees, costume fees, venue fees, invitations to join the dance company which will only result in more commuting and more fees and BONUS: toxic girl culture). Put this way, I feel really good about our decision. Yet, there are still occasions, when I am watching another extemporaneous living room dance performance, that I realize that the beast is also within me. 

I don't know if this makes any sense but, all of these "things," keep me from seeing the six year-old child before me. This child isn't a gymnast, dancer, musician, artist, or...or...or. She's a young child who can't help but dance when "Shake It Off" comes on, spends the better part of her allowance on chewing gum that she loves to share with her friends, keeps a garden bed that she can snack on freely, prefers to read comic books featuring a feline protagonist- she's just awesome. She's not potential to be cultivated or exploited to the benefit of our capitalist system. She, as do we all, deserve to be valued, appreciated, loved, cherished for just being.

I say "no" yet again in order to say "yes" to holding space for childhood, for our humanity.

Ya feel me?

JUL’ 23

22

Do you have a morning routine?

I think I used to. But, after W was born, I fell into the habit of staying in bed until I absolutely had to get up i.e. nurse, change a diaper, make breakfast for the toddler, etc. When sleep was more "catch as catch can," this made sense. But, she's six now (THANK GOD) and she wakes up, gets dressed, makes her bed all on her own, and will play/read/write quietly in her room until her clock glows green. Heck, she even makes her own breakfast on Saturday mornings.

After updating our weekly rhythm and course of study for the fall, I realized that I am ready for a more intentional morning routine for myself. An hour or so in the morning to just be me before I get swept up by the demands of the day. To nurture and nourish myself. 

These days there are so many options. Meditation. Yoga nidra breathing. Coffee. Stretching. Water. With a squeeze of lemon and pinch of salt if you're feeling extra. Exercise. Cold shower. Mother's morning basket. A 10-minute walk outside (to calibrate that circadian rhythm, duh). Breakfast. Or no breakfast (because you're fasting). Miracle Morning. The Artist's Way. And, on, and on.

Now, I am sure you already know this, but I am not a White, single, childless, white-collar professional male living my best life in post-capitalist America, like, say, Andrew Huberman. I really (REALLY) just can't get behind starting my day with a frigid shower. However, I do like the idea of me and the hubs taking a quick walk around the block, coffees in hand. 

I have been getting up a little before 6 am for the past three or four mornings. (If that seems late, bless your heart. LOL.) And, while I am grateful for the time to sip my coffee in near perfect silence, I feel the need for some structure.

JUL’ 23

16

The things I got up to over a weekend sans famille (in no particular order):

• chicken chores, in addition to garden chores

• swept out the garage and driveway after a workout. 

• brewed pots of tea in the mornings.

• wiped down baseboards, vacuumed, and mopped the floors of the entire house.

• cleaned out, polished, and reorganized our buffet.

• drafted my "first day of 1st grade" letter to Willa.

• drafted our fall homeschool rhythm and course of study.

• did a deep dive into Charlotte Mason homeschooling practices.

• watched TV during dinner.

• read in bed until 11 pm.

• supped sumptuously on leftovers, cooked the occasional egg, and made super simple, super fresh salads from whatever was ripe in the garden.

• biked to the library to pick-up books on hold, including Rest is Resistance: a Manifesto and, then, popping over to the farmer's market because FRUIT.

• baked sourdough Honey-Yogurt Shokupan loaf and buns.

• baked a peach pie with the best local fruit for dinner tonight.

• painted my toes.

CONCLUSION: Y'all, leaving the house is overrated. 

I just lived out my wildest recluse dreams. G-L-O-R-I-O-U-S.

I cleaned and things just...stayed CLEAN. 

I did not stress about getting meals onto the table in time...or AT ALL.

I got to wander the recesses of my mind, as if I were at an art museum.

I know, I know. I should be all about "getting away from it all" during a girls' weekend. But, the neighbors thought I had gone away until I showed up with sugar snap peas and jam. So, I think that qualifies, amiright?! Look, while I do enjoy the occasional adventure farther afield, I would argue that, for a homeschool mom (or mom period), the novelty of being at home alone (aside from the cat and chickens) cannot be overstated. And, yeah, I got a lot done but I moved through my day like time didn't really matter. I got up when I was ready, fed the animals and watered the seedlings, worked away at things, ate when I was hungry, stayed up a little too late. My days felt so much more under my control. 

Above all, my solo weekend underscores how much I love my life. I love my family. I love my garden. I love my home. I love my neighbors. I love my animals. I love homeschooling. I love my garage gym. I love eggs. I just need paint to my toes more often.

JUL’ 23

2

The official start of summer has brought with it warmer temps. (I never thought I would say this but, FINALLY!)

The garden has miraculously rallied from the hail storm almost two weeks ago. Almost all of our summer squash/zucchini plants are stunted beyond repair and, though they flower, will unlikely bear any fruit. We replaced several of our cherry tomato plants with starts from our favorite nursery. But, by and large, our plants survived and we're hopeful that we will EVENTUALLY enjoy cucumbers, eggplants, tomatoes, squash, melons, cauliflower, broccoli, bush beans, carrots, beets, etc. from the garden. 

In the meantime, we're making the most of lettuce season, enjoying fresh salads everyday. We're eating sugar snap peas, gai lan, Hakurei turnips, collards, kale, chard, garlic scapes, and all the tender herbs. We're also savoring the first local fruits of the growing season: cherries and apricots. We biked down to the Farmer's Market yesterday morning. D and W got into the long line for cherries and I got into a long line for apricots. I scored 2 lbs of seconds! When the fruit is this good, I prefer to enjoy them as they are but I've tucked several away for une tarte au abricot. The season for apricots is even more fleeting than it is for cherries. I am really hoping that I can score a box of apricot seconds for jam-making before they're gone for the year. 

It does feel like we have finally settled into a summer rhythm at home. This past week, W went to a Handbuilding camp at the Pottery Lab. It's just a few blocks away from our house, in an old firehouse. Homeschooling has meant that we don't have a daily school commute. So, Davis and I found the novelty of biking or walking Willa to camp kind of fun. We're alternating weeks of (half day) camp and it works well for us. During her camp-free weeks, we summer school in the mornings. When she is at camp in the mornings, we summer school after lunch. 

Speaking of, we wrapped up our first biology unit on "weather" and are now learning about "bacteria and fungi" beginning with the story of Louis Pasteur and pasteurization. In addition to reading about Pasteur and his work in comic book-format, we've grown bacteria in a petri dish. And, next week, we'll play around with yeast before turning it into bread. Everyday, W asks me if I am going to read to her about Louis Pasteur. I think it's because the comic book-format is very disarming for her. The longer we homeschool, the more obvious it becomes that my girl learns best through story.

For U.S. History, we're still making our way through a 3-hour documentary on Indigenous Peoples of the Americas before 1491. We've also read children's books written by Indigenous authors and books about the Atlantic slave trade and enslaved people's experiences. I am still trying to figure out how to improve our learning experience in this subject. I've ordered some topically-relevant coloring books that will give W something to occupy her hands with and allow her to focus better on the more sophisticated content that I want to expose her to. I have also requested through our library a copy of the first book in Louise Erdrich's The Birchbark House series.

By contrast, we're making steady and satisfying progress in French literacy. We've moved on from letter sounds and are now making our way through digraphs. I think that we'll start to read from CP1 readers in the fall. 

I should note that, with all of our subject areas of study, I supplement the curricula that we use with content that I find online, on YouTube and at our local library. I never feel like I have it all together as a homeschool parent but I also never feel like I am completely clueless. And, I am (mostly) having a lot of fun (intellectually, spiritually) working to know better so that I can do better and to allow myself grace to do better when I know better.

JUN’ 23

17

It's been a busy couple of weeks here!

I celebrated my 39th birthday. We lunched on fried baloney sandwiches (recipe from the Turkey & Wolf cookbook) on homemade milk bread (recipe from the Woks of Life cookbook), Doritos, and a triple-layer Funfetti birthday cake w/ browned butter rice crispy treats in between, and Italian meringue buttercream. Nine year-old me would have loved all of it. Thirty-nine year old me certainly did!

Then, I was busy getting ready for a camping trip to the Sand Dunes and to host the friends that would be joining us on that camping trip. We had a fantastic time even though we came home one night early...I got sunburn on my legs pretty badly and the mosquitoes were OUT OF CONTROL. I am essentially a human reverse-citronella candle so, between those two factors, I could not sleep comfortably in a sleeping bag. Thankfully, my camping companions were super understanding, we came home early, and spent a day together in Boulder. We hiked Chautauqua, and had lunch downtown on a rooftop deck. 

After nearly everyone had gone home on Monday, I got to work putting the house back in order so that I could get back to work in the garden when, horror of horrors, the worst hail storm I have ever seen pelted the garden for almost an hour midday. It happened so quickly and so totally that all I could manage to do was run out and bring the chicks back into the garage and watch in utter helplessness as months of work and growth were wiped out. 

For the rest of this past week, I have been grieving the destruction of the garden while clearing out decaying plant matter and pruning back the most severe damage. In this process though, I witnessed the valiant effort of the plants to rally. There's a life lesson in this. I think its outline and nuances will reveal themselves to me as I work with the plants to rebuild. For now, they have given me the courage to think of the future again instead of dwelling on what was. We will need to replace our cherry tomato plants. We may not get any okra or peppers this year. We have a flat of seedlings to plant out. But, fingers crossed*, nearly all of the rest of the plants- eggplants, peas, cucumbers, celery, collards, kale, chard, tender herbs, lettuce, beets, daikon, radishes, carrots, parsnips, potatoes, pumpkins, squashes, bush beans, broccoli, cauliflower, etc.- will recover. 

W had her first week of camp at the Boulder Equestrian Center and had a blast working with Spice, a large black horse. In between camps, the kids in the neighborhood gather to play. Even in the rain. 

We started summer school. We don't do it every day and we don't do it at any specific time of day yet. We're fitting it in where we can. For U.S. History, we are taking our time to really drive home the idea that the Americas were already occupied by diverse, complex, and sophisticated indigenous populations who arrived tens of thousands of years before the first white colonial settlers- either across the Bering Strait land bridge during the Ice Age or, even earlier than that, by boats, across the Pacific Ocean. In Biology, we are working our way through s unit on weather: the atmosphere and wind, clouds, rain and thunderstorms, etc. And, for French, we're tackling one to two letter sounds at a time and learning to write en cursif in the process. 

I have found that what seems to work best for our homeschool is a literature-based approach. It was Charlotte Mason who coined the phrase "living books" (as opposed to textbooks) and pioneered a style of education that relies on books that are engaging, relay ideas, and were written by people with passion and deep knowledge of the subject. I really love the curricula that I have found to facilitate and support our learning using this approach.

MAY’ 23

27

I am sipping an iced coffee while I type. 

I have plans to harvest some rhubarb to roast for scones tomorrow. We've been eating the most beautiful, sweet, crisp radishes from the garden. There are all sorts of lettuce ready to harvest. Our pea vines creep up and up, sometimes at a snail's pace, sometimes by leaps and bounds. I spied the first almost-ripe fraise de bois too. We're still shuttling cucumber and okra plants in and out of doors. The heat of summer has yet to settle in. 

On the flowery side of things, almost all of the tulips and lilac blossoms have come and gone. The blue Chinese forget-me-nots are waning. The bachelor's buttons along our front walk are almost ready to pop and, when they do, the bees will come to do their happy dance. But, our bridal veil spirea are in full bloom. The globe allium flowers emerge on individual green stems. They look like small, purple fireworks. Graceful, lacy, blue flax flowers also offer a bit of color while I wait for showier poppies, cosmos, daisies, bachelor's buttons, etc. etc. to bloom.

There is so much to take note of and delight in. 

The mornings have been sunny and warm. By contrast, the afternoons have been gray, thunderous, and rainy. We leave the front door open when we're home. Sophie slinks in and out throughout the day. I caught her basking in a sunny spot in the garden earlier this morning when I was out, training the pea vines. 

I've been enjoying our pause in homeschool expectations as much as I am looking forward to living books about U.S. history, biology and scientific ways of thinking, and workbooks for French literacy. We've been playing more games- W crushed me in Othello yesterday. Taking more walks. The chicks' brooder has been moved into the garage so we spend a fair bit of time shuttling them between their patch of grass in the garden and the brooder in the garage. Of course, their training continues. 

I have a birthday, house guests, and a camping trip to prep for but I'd rather not worry about that too much right now. Now is really chill and lovely. I think I am gonna head into the garage and work out this morning after all. It's a nice, longer moderate-paced row followed by 8 sprints. I'll have the garage door open so that I can look out onto the garden.

MAY’ 23

21

This coming Thursday afternoon, almost all of the school children we know will have their last day of school. The BIG SUMMER ENERGY they're all exhibiting now is infectious and we are not immune.

Ahhh, summer break.

Kids roaming our street at all hours. Time to bust out the popsicle molds. Our inflatable pool probably needs patching. Willa's "Bored" Bin has been refreshed with a bunch of new games (including video games) and arts & crafts supplies. We planned a trip to Costco for ALL. THE. SNACKS.

On W's "last day," D and I will take her out to a new, sweet little cafe for tea and a treat. I've put together a gift to commemorate her kindergarten year and to kick off summer: a proper wallet, a Moon Jar piggy bank, a fun book about money, and $6...to start. As you know, Willa has asked us for an allowance. And, we think she is now at an age where she is capable of being responsible for an allowance. So, we'll talk to her about what that means in terms of privileges and responsibilities. She has grown SO much in the past year. In both ability and awareness, in power and personality. Baby and toddlerhood are emphatically behind us now. And, even though I had a front row seat, I still can't quite wrap my head around it. 

I am gathering the materials that we will need for U.S. History, Biology, and French literacy. As a matter of fact, I received a shipment of books yesterday: les cahiers Montessori des sons et des graphèmes, de lecture, de grammaire, des syllabes et des premiers mot, a complete set of CP Niveau 1 readers. And, because ya girl is way into les BD, the complete collection of Pépère le chat- a kissing-cousin of the Garfield comics that she is currently obsessed with. I can barely bring myself to flip through them. I love fresh, new textbooks/workbooks/notebooks/oh-heck-all-the-books that much. #nerdalert

A question that I have been getting from people who don't know us well is, "Are you planning to homeschool beyond kindergarten?" Or, "How long will you continue to homeschool?" To me, it's an odd question because no one ever asks parents with school children, "So, how long are you going to keep them in school for?" 

I do wonder what assumptions are implied in those (well-meaning) questions?

I can't imagine our lives without the FREEDOM that we have gained as individuals and as a family from our unschooling lifestyle. Willa can discover and learn in accordance with her readiness, preferred modalities, needs, and desires. We, as parents, are free from school schedules, the commute, the burden of shepherding our child through and sheltering her from certain aspects of the education system. 

We are free to just be her parents. 

Parents who...

- witness and experience wonder and awe as we learn alongside our child,

- can be as patient as she needs us to be while she learns her way, 

- savor (and, sometimes, survive) every bit of her childhood,

- strive to model what it means to be a curious and conscientious person in the world because we know she is watching us pretty much all the time,

- marvel and celebrate her accomplishments without the taint of comparison,

- have the time and opportunity to share with her our talents and passions,

- trust the process because the process is malleable to the specific needs, wants, hopes and dreams of our family.

So, I guess the answer is "for as long as it works for all of us." Now, I recognize that this lifestyle isn't for everyone. Though I do believe it can be for anyone. Being counterculture is an interesting position to be in. Am I counterculture because there is no room (or little room) for my experience within the broader culture? Or, am I counterculture because I think about and actively resist the broader culture? Are my hackles raised because I am making space or because my resistance is fragile?

MAY’ 23

13

It rained several days this week. 

The land got a good soak. On the next sunny, warm day, when light, heat and moisture meet, life will triumph. The pea vines will shoot up by inches, ready to grab onto the next rung of hog wire fencing. The grass, clover, and wildflower seeds that we've sown will sprout and take root. Perhaps, our fruit trees will take it as an auspicious sign to burst into flower. 

Inside, we sipped cups of tea and nibbled biscuits while we worked on maths. I made hair appointments for us. Shopped online for French language books. W is comfortable speaking French and I think she is ready to learn to read in French. The chicks got a little stir-crazy and BIG. We've kept them entertained with training exercises and excursions to the dust bath. If they didn't poop constantly and indiscriminately, I'd let them out into the house. But, alas, they do. 

I was glad of the reprieve from work in the garden. Before the rains came, we planted our tomato, eggplant, summer and winter squash plants. They're under bright, white row covers to keep warm. Now, I am itching to plant the calendulas, sunflowers, marigolds, and nasturtiums that we started from seed. I need to sow bush beans too. But, not before I do some weeding. There's no better time than after it rains. 

Tomorrow, we'll celebrate Mother's Day. Cheesy tater tot waffles and a sugared jelly donut bundt cake will be the headliners. Davis and Willa are being sneaky about something and I am pretending not to notice. 

I don't often talk about motherhood with y'all. Or, if I do, it is, generally, from the vantage point of the trenches. I recently came across an IG post about mothering in America. How, from the moment of conception, American women discover just how broken our systems are: health care, parental leave, childcare, school, etc. It was a poignant observation. And, it made me reflect on the many ways that my friends, imagine, experiment, and live out better possibilities for our selves, our children, our families, and our communities. That's not to say that our lives are perfect, tidy, or easy. But, through our works, we conjure progress and hope where there could have been pain or despair. I am grateful for them and the partners who support us, console us, work and dream with us.

MAY’ 23

6

It will surprise no one (or at least it shouldn't) that I am in the throes of planning for summer.

Not getaways (though, we do have a couple camping trips on the docket) or summer camps (those were signed, sealed, and delivered months ago, in the depths of winter).

I am planning a groovy "school's out" party to kick-off the start of summer on our street. Shopping for games/toys/books/snacks to help us while away the summer days at home. I also want to experiment with the practice of "schooling" year round. Taking summers as an opportunity to shift our focus from our core subjects (e.g. reading and maths) to secondary subjects (e.g. American history and French). In anticipation of the learning objectives for first graders, my hope is that doing this will allow us to keep up with requirements without increasing "Table Time" during the school year.

Chick training is well underway. Willa is very involved. This is the first time, since we began keeping chickens, that we are working with our chicks in a very deliberate manner. We don't want to be their mama but we do want them to be friendly. After allowing the girls to establish a pecking order, we have taught them what treats are and have successfully trained them to seek treats from our hands. In their frenzied eagerness, they hop onto our hands for a better vantage point. In a few days, we'll put out our hands, sans treats, to see if they'll hop into our hands anyways. 

I've been blitzing overwintered spinach into smoothies and sauteing them with garlic for a quick side. I'm putting chives in everything. In a few weeks time, I hope to be eating the first radishes and lettuces from the garden. Yesterday, I mixed up a batch of chocolate chip cookie dough. Have to get another batch or two in before pie season commences. I've got a book about baking bread with kids on loan from the library, which is convincing me that we can do this (or rather I can do this, LOL).

It's a beautiful day and I've GOT to get outside.

APR’ 23

15

Our textbook spring continues. For a couple of days, we were in tanks and shorts. Then, yesterday, we had rain and snow. Big, wet flakes drifting down like feathers. This morning, I stuck my head out the door to see snow on the ground, already melting. 

I had put seedlings into the ground on Wednesday: two kinds of kale, chard, scallions, lettuce, and collards. Fingers crossed* they pulled through. I am in the garden pretty much everyday now. For hours. My low back, aching- just a little- by the time I have to call it for the day. The to-do list grows daily and spills into the next day inevitably. Learning to be satisfied with what I manage to do is a challenge and can rob me of my joy and peace if I let it.

Timid, green tendrils are finally emerging from the peas that I planted nearly two weeks ago. Spinach, arugula, a couple kinds of radishes, and daikon have all sprouted too. My eagle eyes are trained on the least signs of development. And, I notice that the beets and pearl onions have yet to sprout. Is this fun or torment?!

We're celebrating D's dad's birthday today. He turned 79. Our time with him, with all of our remaining parents, is ever more palpably a gift. I am baking a mint choc chip cake- his favorite ice cream flavor. I've become obsessed with over-the-top birthday cakes. Not for myself of course. Being a true child of the 90s, it's yellow cake w/ fudgy frosting or confetti cake that'll do for me. But, I love big, layered cakes with all the flourishes for just about everyone else. John's creme de menthe-chocolate cake layers have a peppermint oreo crust on the bottom. I'll be making a creme de menthe buttercream and stir in chocolate confetti for effect. Then, it's all the decor. A band of whipped milk chocolate ganache around the base of the frosted cake, chopped Andes mints, dark chocolate drip, and more Oreos. I am not entirely winging it, but...open to inspiration for the final lewk.

APR’ 23

1

Schools were on spring break this week. Town seems a titch quieter. Many friends have taken their families up into the mountains to ski or south to warm beaches.

I've been working in the garden whenever I have a spare moment.

Truth be told, I am not really a lounge-at-the-beach sort of person. 

I am more of a soak-up-the-sun-while-doing-hard-manual-labor sort of person. The potato bags need to be seeded with last season's potatoes. Peas need to be soaked overnight and planted. My morning chores now include looking after several flats of seedlings that are sprouting and making sure that they don't dry out. I started to clear out last year's stalks and foliage- now, brittle, crispy, and brown- from the flower beds. Once the clean-up is done, I will seed them with clover and flowers and cover them with mulch. I notice that, while garlic and chives makes the splashiest entrance in the spring garden (it grows straight up and so fast), anise hyssop, rhubarb, yarrow, winter savory, and strawberry have also reemerged if with a little more subtlety- their new leaves hugging the ground. 

The refresh that I crave in late winter and early spring is the sense of purpose and drive that I feel growing our food and restoring fertility to our small patch of land.

We chose to homeschool through the break. It was a remarkably easy choice. W loves math and I am pretty sure she is close to a tipping point in reading where the activity is much less tedious than it is rewarding. (She discovered the Garfield comics during our last trip to the library and is enthralled.) The other main reason why I think it was easy to simply continue homeschooling this past week even though she knew that her friends were on vacation is that she is already getting everything she needs from our homeschool experience: TIME.

Time to go slow...or fast.

Time to visit with family and friends...or to be alone.

Time to work on skills with me and time to do her own thing.

Time to have a snack. Time to finish her lunch.

Time to move her body whenever she needs to. 

Time to go to the bathroom whenever nature calls.

Time to make a little more progress or time to rest.

And, I find that I am benefitting from this time too.

MAR’ 23

17

OMG, forget the kiddo, I finally feel like I've recovered from Daylight Savings.

Earlier in the week, I woke in the mornings with a slight headache. I slept in this morning and, now, I finally feel rested.

Spring is nigh. The weather is forecasted to alternate between sunny, warmish days and cold, snowy-ish days which seems a bit too on the nose for spring in Boulder. But, I'll take it! Last weekend, we finished building our raised beds. I managed to prune the fruit trees. Over the course of the week, I moved soil around and filled our potato bags. There's still more soil to move and I need to finish amending all of the beds with biochar. I'd also like to start pruning the spirea and fruit canes. Working outside, under the sun, feels amazing.

When W comes back from swim class this morning, we're having some friends over for breakfast. In honor of St. Patrick's Day, we'll serve a full Irish fry-up. Our friends are gardeners, so, afterwards, I intend to put them to work! (They've been forewarned. ) I've got a pot of British-style baked beans simmering on the hob. It smells amazing. The other nice thing about serving a fry up is that it's mostly about gathering the necessary meats: back bacon, black and white puddings, proper bangers. I'll griddle some tomatoes (I know, I know, they're OUT-OF-SEASON, but I need something colorful, fresh, and a little tart to balance out the richness/brownness of the meal), fry up some homemade milk bread, eggs, mushrooms, and spinach. I also have a pan of shortbread in the fridge to bake off.

Again, it feels strange to not have a complaint to air. But, I don't. Yes, there are the usual little daily trials and tribulations. AND, life is full and good. The sun is shining. All my people are growing, especially when they struggle. I'm really feeling this Elizabeth Gilbert quotation:

“A creative life is an amplified life. It’s a bigger life, a happier life, an expanded life, and a hell of a lot more interesting life. Living in this manner – continually and stubbornly bringing forth the jewels that are hidden within you – is a fine art, in and of itself.”

MAR’ 23

11

The sunlight is warm at my back as I am sat at our dining table, typing out this letter. We, adults, are at our computers. Super Great Kids’ Stories is on and Willa is lolling about on the rug, quiet, and listening. What bliss is this?

I have three goals for today: workout, start pruning, and plant potatoes. The potatoes that we overwintered aren't really fit to eat anymore but are perfect for sowing. D will continue to frame out our garden beds- a project leftover from last fall. Downstairs, he has a couple flats of seedlings basking in the artificial light setup that we have down there. I am terribly, terribly excited. 

In my mind's eye, I see the garden filling in. We start with smooth yet crumbly, burnt umber surfaces, neatly criss-crossed with irrigation lines. Ready to receive. In a few weeks, they will be dotted with neat little rows of sprouts and seedlings. And, with any luck, by July, it'll be a temperate jungle of food-bearing plants and joy-giving flowers. Soon, I'll be able to indulge in one of my favorite pastimes: stopping to admire the perfect, golden loaves of pollen on a bee's hind legs and knowing that I had a hand in this material representation of bounty and goodness. 

By the way, do you know what a group of robins is called?

A "round" of robins.

A round of robins and a few other birds besides have settled in our yard for who knows how long. Every time we pop out into the garden, I see at least a half dozen fluttering, up and away from the sounds of my approach. They hop about the yard, which is a relatively vast stretch of moist, upturned earth at the moment. Providing a veritable feast, I imagine. The thought makes my heart sing.

FEB’ 23

25

The sun is shining with a promise to melt the snow away. Our girls are laying eggs again. I need to prune the spirea bushes, fruit trees, and lilac bushes, soon. I am excited for longer days and warmer weather. But, I also love it when it snows. I am rather enjoying these final days of winter.

Our homeschool hums along. It's actually everything that I've been hoping for, dreaming of and more. I am also exercising 5 days/week which feels great. Got some strength training and endurance goals which is fun. We're all safe, healthy, content. I'm sitting at my laptop with a coffee and green juice by my side. Willa is playing in her room. Davis is cleaning the bathroom. In the fridge, I've got enough leftovers to make lunch and two madeleine pans, greased, floured, and filled with batter. Life is good. So why doesn't it FEEL good?

It's because I feel safer when I am experiencing struggle, stress, and chaos. It's familiar. And, familiar feels safe. This could be a hangover from pandemic life or the spiritual legacy of late-stage capitalism. Both. Regardless, my nervous system feels safer when I am striving, summoning willpower, being "productive," and exercising control. I think I am ready to turn a new leaf. To be a relaxed woman. A woman at ease. Someone who prioritizes rest, pleasure, and play. Who can relax into her peace, contentment, self-compassion, and surrender. 

It starts today. Right now. 

I am going to get up, take my coffee into Willa's room, and join in the fun.

FEB’ 23

18

There's snow on the ground (again). It blankets the garden, concealing the trenches that we dug out before the ground froze (and halted our efforts to install a new garden layout). Meanwhile, our bird feeder has seen a massive uptick in traffic. Also, a week ago, a lone bee buzzed about me, in a hopeful dance. And, while you wouldn't know it now, ambitious volunteer seedlings dot the bare, richly hued earth, along our front walk. Beneath the surface of my consciousness, lazy bubbles of excitement rise and pop. I welcome the return of the sun and the stirrings of life and liveliness. 

In the kitchen, we bake. Cookies with browned butter, Dulcey, Butter Snaps, toasted walnuts, and mini chocolate chips. Lemony madeleines (sadly, without humps). Red velvet cupcakes iced with cream cheese-whipped cream. Beignets and king cake are next. I choose recipes that we can make without a mixer (i.e. that calls for melted butter or oil) because it's more fun that way. Also, Willa and I have become GBBO obsessed this winter. And, are equally obsessed with Cupcake Jemma on YT. 

After the sturm und drang of January, I feel a bit incredulous to report that I am content. Our homeschooling has gone smoothly for the third week in a row. What's more, I've managed to workout five days a week. I find myself frequently delighting in my child in an almost self-indulgent way. Last Sunday, Willa said, "Yay! Tomorrow is Monday. I can't wait to see what we're going to learn next!" Then, while Davis brushed out and braided her wet hair, she read to us from a comic book series that has managed to pique an innate desire in her to read. 

I didn't know whether we would ever arrive at this place. It's not as if I didn't expect homeschooling to be hard at times. But I had gotten used to it being hard pretty much all of the time. My nervous system is still on high alert, ready to tackle another episode of crisis. Only it's been three weeks and...the good times keep rolling.

Deep breath in, deep breath out.

JAN’ 23

29

It's a cold, snowy, gray morning. More snowfall is forecasted. Safe and warm indoors, we've hashed out a loose planting schedule. Chicks have been ordered too (and are coming in April!!!). I've been baking a little extra to assuage my feelings of longing. February is almost here and, with it, thoughts of chocolate, hearts, and crafts. 

Speaking of the celebration of love in all its forms. I had a hard won revelation this week that I want to share.

Three weeks ago, after reading a piece on the importance of prioritizing your homeschool, I decided to rejigger my day to put homeschooling first. I thought that this would help us to bolster our homeschool consistency. 

Up until then, we would sit down to breakfast and, while W ate, I would read to her from our Morning Basket. Afterwards, I would workout and, when I came back in, I would struggle for an age to get her to join me for Table Time (math and reading skills work). So, I felt a change was in order. After breakfast, we would have Table Time. And, then, I would go workout.

Y’all, it was a TOTAL disaster.

I could not seem to win my child's cooperation whatever I did. My patience wore thin and tore open. Like a bleeding wound, it would only manage to lightly scab over before being picked open again. Only instead of blood flowing, it was red, hot, mom rage. I would repair with my child as best I could but, again, it was a scab at best. I was beginning to scare myself. I felt massively resentful towards my child. If I couldn't figure this out, our homeschool experiment would have to end because I promised myself that I would never put it above my relationship to my child.

Then, D came home from his work trip. Which was a relief. An extra pair of hands, ears, eyes, and brain lobes. Together, we survived another pretty tough parenting week. Last Sunday, we held our first "family meeting." We discussed what was not working in our homeschool. I wrote it all down. We each put forward ideas for addressing the challenges that we faced. Which I also wrote down. When my turn came, I announced that I needed to get my workout in before we sat down for Table Time.

Of all of the solutions that we enacted this week, meeting my need first before tackling the most challenging part of our homeschool day was GAME-CHANGING. By Friday, for the first time (perhaps ever), we both felt that homeschooling had gone well...the ENTIRE week. But, more importantly to me, I felt so much better. No longer so raw, so rage-y.

And, I now know from experience quite a few things:

1. My mood and my energy play a big role in how well our homeschooling goes.

2. Meeting my basic needs first is essential to being a sturdy parent. 

3. Putting myself first isn't selfish- my family is all the better for it.

I hope that my story will convince you to do something to nourish yourself today. Whether that's carving out some time to workout, to read in solitude...whatever it is that floats your boat. This is your friendly, loving reminder that: Parenting is a marathon, y'all. AND, it has seasons. 

JAN’ 23

7

Hi, my name is Tiffany. 

I am a parent of a strong-willed child.

WHAT. A. RELIEF.

One night, I was scrolling Instagram in bed, like you do (or, maybe, just I do?), when a post caught my eye.

Strong-willed kids need a different approach. @simplify_parenting

I swiped through the slides. I needed to know more. So, I googled " how to parent a strong-willed child." I clicked on the first intriguing link- "Peaceful Parenting Your Strong-Willed Child."

"Spirited" and "courageous." Wants to "learn things for themselves rather than accepting what others say, so they test limits over and over." Has "big, passionate feelings" and lives at "full throttle." And, are often "prone to power-struggles with their parents." I am starting to see my child in a new light. And, I myself, as the struggling parent, feel seen too.

You see, I thought that taking a break from our usual homeschool routine would give us an opportunity to put some credits in the emotional bank. We'd read holiday stories, sip hot cocoa, bake, watch holiday movies, play games, go on walks, decorate the house etc. I thought that since we weren't working on reading, math, and writing skills that we could enjoy a relatively conflict-free month. And, meanwhile, I'd use this time to also redouble my efforts to fine-tune our approach to learning at home so that she would be a more willing (dare I hope, "eager?") participant. 

So, you can imagine my surprise, dismay, and frustration, when, instead, I found us quarrelling, perhaps more than ever, over which stories to read, whether we would go on a walk, go for haircuts, and so on and so forth? What was I doing wrong? What can I do better? Why can't she just go along with my plans? If only she would, we'd finally have fun. 

Like a dog trailing a scent, I looked for books on parenting strong-willed kids at our public library. Setting Limits with Your Strong-Willed Child? BINGO. It was in my hands in a matter of days (GOTTA LUV UR LOCAL PUBLIC LIBRARY). Within the first ten pages, I was laughing but I also could have cried. You know that feeling? Mostly, I feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief. WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW. There is nothing wrong with me. There is nothing wrong with her. There is a path forward.

But, first, I will have to face a hard truth: I am very guilty of ineffective discipline methods. According to this book, children typically fall into one of the following three categories: the compliant, the fence-sitter, and the strong-willed. Guesses as to which one I was? As a child, I took my parents at their word. Now, I am a compliant adult raising a strong-willed child. And, she needs to question EVERYTHING over and over and over...

This is where things get interesting because this seemingly bad news is actually good news. When she asks for the n-th time whether we "really" have to do math (or reading), she literally means just that. It's not that the delivery/content/method of the last lesson was bad/boring/etc. She's gonna ask every time because this is how she learns what our homeschool is about. 

So, when I catch myself trying to reason with, cajole, or otherwise incentivize her in response (because, obviously, I don't want her to come to loathe math as I had) and the questions and protests begin to surge around me like a school of piranha (my indecision akin to the irresistible scent of blood in the water), I have to remind myself that it's not PERSONAL. AND, that my job here is to be the sturdy parent that my wonderfully fierce, if at times, headstrong, girl needs. I need to root myself in my authority as her parent to make certain decisions regarding her education much in the same way that I do when it comes to her health and safety.

P.S. Now, you'll never guess what, but, just before we resumed our math lessons in late December, Willa, in a non sequitur, declared at the dinner table that "math is actually fun." I confess, I was relieved to hear it but also like "@$&$^@* !!!".

DEC’ 22

31

This is the first Saturday in weeks where I am not so busy that I can't sit down to write.

Gosh, it feels good.

It's New Year's Eve. For me, this is a time to take stock and to bravely set forth ambitions for the year ahead.

I believe in progress (personal and societal) but, if the last three years have taught me anything, it's that "this" might be all there ever is. 

A house that I am always cleaning and tidying up. A marriage with somebody that I used to know (who seems pretty cool and is cute). A family constantly juggling everyone's needs. A world of beautiful possibility incessantly beset by paroxysms of misogyny, xenophobia, racism, violent nationalism, tyranny, environmental disaster, etc. 

I might never achieve that perfect balance between motherhood, marriage, homeschool, friends, activism and self-care. I'll try, of course. I'll fall forward, do my best, worry if it's enough, enjoy what I can, mess up (a lot), try to do my fair share of apologizing and forgiving, and get up the next day to do it all again. Laughing and loving whenever I can. 

Unresolved questions, heartache, and ambitions included, this is me already living my best life.

As I look back and look ahead, the real through line is that I am in great company. Brilliant, ordinary women, whom I know personally or admire from afar, making a difference within their families and communities. Women who struggle. Women who also succeed. Whose successes I tuck away for safe-keeping in my own heart and bring out again in those moments when I need to "take heart."

Cheers to another year of striving in the best company a body could ask for.

DEC’ 22

23

I have been BUSY. As a matter of fact, I am still busy. But, I am now the kind of busy that consists mostly of excitement and anticipation after a job well enough done. Most of the heavy lifting has happened. On Saturday, after massive feasting and putting Willa to bed, I will be basking in the warm glow of the television, seated beside my spouse, as we wrap presents and fill stockings. It's the minor rituals that seem to mean the most. It could be because it comes after all of the WOORRRRKKKK. Not sure it would feel quite so special, so rewarding if it didn't.

This is the year when we finally got the dreaded questions, "Is Santa real?" and "Does he only deliver gifts to ‘good’ kids?" Naturally, "Santa" had to set the record straight in the letter that he writes to her every year. In an unexpected twist, I realized that there was a message in it for us grown-ups too.

So, with little further ado, I am appending in full Santa's letter in the hopes that it will resonate with you as much as it did for me. (FULL DISCLOSURE: I may have cribbed the intro line from my fav podcast.)

If you celebrate, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, etc.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Willa,

By the time you read this letter, I will be back at home in the North Pole, in the stables, brushing down the reindeer who have just been working very hard to pull my traineau across the sky, around the world. Before I left, I tacked your splendid picture of Rudolph to the wall in his stall so that he could admire your handiwork. All of us here- Madame Noël, les lutins, et les rennes- we live for delightful, thoughtful gestures such as these. It powers the magic that makes our work possible. En fait, we hold the thought of you and all the other children in our hearts as we work long days and one long night right up 'til Christmas morning.

As you're about to turn 6, I am sure you know all about how hard it is to be a kid. You're always doing your best but, sometimes, it seems like that isn't enough. Sometimes, when tricky or challenging situations come up, we can feel out of control. We cry, hit, slam doors, collapse to the floor, whine, shout at everyone to leave us alone...WHO HASN'T?!! (Ask your parents.) This is bad enough but, then, the adults get mad or, worse, express disappointment. Don't they know you really ARE trying? 

You see, adults sometimes forget that they've had so much more practice handling life's disappointments. But, I see you and I remember. I know that you are good inside, even when, on the outside, you may be having a tough time. You are good inside. All children are. This is why, year after year, we work with great passion and excitement to deliver a present to every child who believes. And, this is why you wrote to me even though you have likely said and done things that you regret. Because, you too know, deep down, that you are good inside. 

Now, your parents- they aren't perfect, I know- but, when they were kids, they believed too. And, even though they've stopped writing to me, I know that they still believe because I've heard from you. They've shared the story of my life with you. They still set up a tree for me to lay your presents under, hang stockings for me to fill, and, LUCKY me, leave out a plate of delicious, homemade cookies with a glass of milk. In their heart of hearts, they too know that you are good inside- that we are ALL good inside. 

It's your job to help me remind them, to help them see that we're all doing the best we can so that even as we struggle, even as we are having a hard time on the outside, we remain good inside.

Love, wonder, comfort and joy to you,

Père Noël

DEC’ 22

3

Snow, counted in inches. The first real snow days. Our familiar, somewhat tired-looking, visual scapes transformed overnight into the "winter wonderland" of song. The workout-of-the-day: shoveling. I almost never regret living on a corner lot except when I have to turn onto Euclid and shovel for just a bit longer than I care to. Mostly, though, I love the excuse to get outside and move.

Thanksgiving has come and gone. Quite possibly my favorite holiday of the year (and I love quite a few). The menu has evolved over the years but I think it is a largely settled matter now. Deep-fried turkey, gravy, cranberry sauce, mashed sweet potatoes, corn bread, green beans, a purple cabbage slaw, pumpkin and pecan pie. I tweaked the menu ever so slightly this year by substituting a sour cherry pie for the cranberry-sage pie that had been my wont. Dearest friends, neighbors, and family all around my table. What a blessing.

Of course, now, we count the days until Christmas (and Hanukkah). We're two days into our "reading advent calendar" and next week we start our exploration of how Christmas is celebrated in other parts of the world through books, video, crafts, and baking. We'll begin in Sweden, move on to Mexico, stray back north to England, and, then, finally, end in France.

I made the decision just a few days ago to press "pause" on our usual homeschool routine and lean into the Lifeways creed, "life is the curriculum." If I am honest, it's more for my benefit than Willa's.

The reasons why I choose to homeschool seem to multiply with each passing day. Not least of which, are my beliefs that children have a natural inclination foe learning and that being in the world can offer Willa as many (if not more) opportunities to acquire the knowledge that she needs in order to make her own way in the world. And yet...

...old (schoolish) habits die hard. I needed to create space in our lives to practice witnessing.

This morning, Willa climbed into our bed with a book. We took turns reading to each other. The other day, she saw the math balance (a scale) lying about and used it to partition the number 10. Later today, we head up to her grandparents' house to cut down a tree. We'll decorate the house for the holidays. And, in the coming days, we'll bake no small amount of cookies, sing all the carols, read all the holiday books, watch holiday movies, play games, and craft.

It sounds like a lot of fun and it is. But, for me, it is also an act of surrender, an act of faith. Which seems like a pretty seasonally appropriate action for this time of year.

NOV’ 22

12

Winter is coming.

The floor of our basement is covered with boxes of potatoes, peppers, green tomatoes (maturing off the vine), and an assortment of winter squash: spaghetti, kabocha, baby bear, etc. The pantry shelves are stocked with homemade jams, sauces, salsa, and pickles. In the chest freezer, a few gallon-bags full of pesto that had been frozen and cut into manageable portions. Future-me will be grateful when I've little time to do much more meal prep than boiling some pasta.

If I had a spirit animal, I really think that it might be a squirrel. Or chipmunk. Tucking away tasty treasures for later.

The garden, kissed with frost, glitters. Our jack o'lanterns moulder with an unexpected air of cheerfulness. We put the garlic in the ground before we left for North Carolina. This morning, I am very glad that we managed to squeeze that in. Now, we begin the work of putting much of the garden to bed. We'll harvest what has managed to survive the cold (I am hoping for beets, carrots, napa cabbage, broccoli, and hearty greens), cut down and clear whatever's left, introduce soil amendments, till/trench new garden paths, and, then, put down a thick layer of straw to be held down with chicken wire.

In the virtual homeschool circles that I swim in, there's a lot of chatter about "Christmas School" (or "Chrismukkah School" as I will be calling it). Homeschooling families elect to relax the homeschool routine/schedule in order to slow down, embrace the season, and spend intentional time together. I am not gonna lie- this sounds immensely appealing. A reasonable path forward for a holiday maximalist, craving less stress and more serenity, until our cups runneth over and we are fortified for the long winter ahead.

OCT’ 22

8

It seems, last weekend, that Willa caught a cold. A pretty nasty one, at that. She didn't have a temperature and it wasn't COVID. But, she had the chills, a stuffy nose, and a grungy cough.

On Monday, I told myself that we would take it real easy this week. Maybe, we would just do Morning Basket during breakfast and bag the rest for when she was feeling better. One of the perks of homeschooling is that we can choose to rest when we need to without feeling penalized.

As it turned out, her illness/convalescence took an erratic route that allowed for plenty of opportunities to fit in some work on reading and math skills. She had a false rally on Tuesday so we kept her home from dance class. She still sounded terrible on Wednesday so we kept her home from gymnastics. On Thursday, French club was cancelled because we didn't have a quorum.

So, we had no outside obligations. She woke up when she had had enough sleep. She napped when she needed to nap. She curled up on the couch to watch episodes of "Masha et Michka." When she had the energy, she would play. BUT, she also had lots of time to be BORED (like, out of her gourd). At those times, I would offer to do Table Time with her and she was glad to. Even though I did not push it, we managed to "school" throughout this period of illness and convalescence.

On Wednesday, she was feeling much better so we walked to the library and picked up some books that I had on hold. It was a magnificent day. Warm, golden sunlight, a breeze cool enough to warrant wearing a sweatshirt. She collected leaves. I took in the delicious autumn air with big, greedy, undisciplined inhalations. This month's Jot-It-Down theme is "Fairy Tales" so our book haul this week was full of classic fairy tale stories and creative re-tellings. On the way home, we stopped at the café down the street, I ordered her an almond milk, pumpkin spice, chai latte, and we sat outside on the café's patio, where I read fairy tales to her. It's these moments that I hold onto and hope for, that see me through.

I am slowly ease-ing into this homeschool lifestyle. Realizing that I don't have to be so vigilant. To have faith in the process. To appreciate that the tough times and challenges (e.g. illness, travel, resistance, etc.) pave the crooked path to a homeschool life grounded in truth and reality, uniquely suited to us.

OCT’ 22

1

If I linger in bed, I see soft, golden light filter through the branches of the blue spruce behind our bedroom.

A branch on one of our pear trees has jumped the gun and gone full-on red. Just the one.

It's time to pull the cucumber vines, prune back hard the tomato plants, and make a big batch of pesto to squirrel away in the chest freezer.

We're enjoying some of the fattest, sweetest blackberries that we've had all year.

The squirrels are busy in the garden, eating as much as they dare. (They dare A LOT.)

There is a steady traffic of black-capped chickadees, house finches, and nuthatches at the bird feeder.

My coffee this morning is hot and full of cream.

The inveterate homebody that I am rejoices in these seasonal observations. Like the squirrels, birds, and bees, I am hungrily taking in all that early autumn has to offer: apples in all of their glorious variety, hot drinks, candlelight, potatoes dug up from the garden, soups and stews...this most delicious process of drawing in and inwards.

I've got a pile of books to read. A cozy prospect. I probably won't get to them because I have tomatoes from the garden that I need to turn into pizza sauce and can. And, the aforementioned basil to contend with. But, I don't mind too much. There will be time to read (won't there?!!! ) and there's nothing like going into one's stores in the depths of winter and pulling out culinary treasure.

SEPT’ 22

24

It's good to be home.

We spent a week in Seattle with Willa’s god parents. Lots of horsing around, exploring parks, urban foraging, and eating some really great food. We also went to the aquarium and the Boeing Museum of Flight.

I noticed (again) that homeschooling-on-the-road feels ease-ier. I experience a latent level of stress at home when I feel like I have to "make sure" that we do things that...to be completely honest...I can record in my teacher's notebook. When we’re on holiday, I find it easier to give myself permission to just do what we can and not necessarily all that I’ve planned. Opportune moments for adult-facilitated learning would naturally present themselves. For instance, we worked on math and reading skills during the lull in the afternoons when people were feeling the need for some quiet time. I am not sure how to incorporate this insight into our day-to-day lives at home. So, I'll just tuck it away in the back of my mind to ferment.

These last couple of homeschool days have gone really well. Though the turbulence that we experienced during our first week is still with me, I am now, as I was then, incredibly grateful for this time with my girl. In Seattle, Willa discovered that she has a wiggly tooth! A prescient reminder that her childhood is fleeting and I want to savor every moment of it, even the hard ones.

SEPT’ 22

14

Red envelopes. Taiwanese pineapple tea cakes. Hand-knit sweaters.

I will never know how much it meant to her to be able to give so generously to her grandchildren. The grit, sacrifice, and heartache it must have taken. I only know that these tendernesses were the succor that gave me the heart and courage to forge my own path in life.

My favorite memory of my grandmother came about when I was newly married. My family was hanging out. She pulled me aside and asked, in whispered Hokkien, "He doesn't hit you, does he?" I reassured her that I do not receive beatings from my husband. Then, we both had a VERY good laugh about it. In a way, it was such a poignant moment because that was how we both knew that I'd made it. My struggles in life- such as they have been, are, and will be- cannot compare to what she had witnessed and/or survived over the course of her life. All to the good.

When I observe my daughter and as I endeavor to be a good parent to her, I am paying forward a love that I took for granted. All to the good.

I am holding my family and the memory of Ama in my heart.

SEPT’ 22

12

"I want to go to school!"

"You're a horrible teacher."

LITERALLY, the last things a homeschooling parent wants to hear.

My child was at the opposite side of the room with her arms crossed, refusing to join me at the table. I glanced at the clock. The prospect of an hour full of learning and discovery before we headed out to gymnastics class was looking decidedly unlikely.

I had known that moments like this would come. (Just...maybe not QUITE this soon.) No matter how much planning, work, and effort I put into preventing them. I took a breath, set aside despairing thoughts, and got curious.

"What do you think would be better about going to school?"

"What makes a good teacher good?"

"What don't you like about how we homeschool?"

Another glance at the clock. I had a half hour before we needed to leave.

"Will you give me a second chance?"

"NO!"

Friends, I was PUT in my place. I had said my piece. That I valued the feedback that she had given me. That I was willing to change. That this was all new to me and that I have made mistakes. That I needed her help to become a better "teacher." That I hoped that she would give me another chance because I really actually love doing "school" with her.

This lifestyle of learning- one that is liberatory, decolonized, empowering, genuine, and relationship-centered- is not for the faint of heart.

The thing that saved me from falling into a death spiral of self-doubt, anxiety, and self-recrimination was the knowledge that I have put in the work, done all I can up to now, and behaved in accordance with my values and beliefs. Certainly, I have more learning to do, more efforts to make but I also trust my work.

So, I stayed seated at that table. Looking across the room at my girl. Not at peace, exactly. Not only panicked, either. I had faith that we could rebuild trust and restore connection. And, I accepted that it may not happen before gymnastics class.

Then, my strong-willed, independent girl said, "Fine. I'll do it."

So, we did a math lesson. We were smiling and laughing again. After gymnastics, we worked on reading skills. And, to close out the day, I scooped some ice cream into cones and we went for a walk. Between licks, we debriefed about how the day had gone. Sampled apples from my favorite tree. Chased shadows. And, at various times, her hand sought out mine.

I share this story so that I'll remember it. For next time.

AUG’ 22

28

First week of homeschool is in the books. (Quite literally. I am using the "planning from behind" method of tracking.)

And, I have to say, I'm feeling confident. 

Yes, there were lots of smiles, laughs shared, and discoveries made. But, more importantly, plenty of mistakes. Each one is valuable feedback out how to support her learning better. Putting theory into practice is both immensely satisfying and empowering. 

So, as frustrated as I felt in those moments when I think I've biffed it, I also came away with some very juicy opportunities for learning and growth. 

As I think and write, I keep turning over in my mind a familiar maxim: "Know thyself." A quick search on the internet reveals that it is inscribed on the Temple of Apollo at Delphi and it's actually followed by two more maxims that I am not familiar with:

2. Nothing to excess

3. Certainty brings insanity

Which also ring true to me as I reflect on the past week. Though, I would also add:

BONUS TRACK: Don't (for the love of Pete!) be a wet blanket.

"Know thyself"

I put a lot of thought into my curricular choices. Obviously, I want to find the BEST curricula. What was far less obvious is just what is meant by "best." After a good deal of research and "soul-search", I realized that my time would be better spent observing my child to discern her temperament/learning style and doing a fair bit of introspection to assess my strengths and weaknesses as her partner-in-learning. In the final analysis, I chose curricula that would allow me to prioritize connection over content. And, where I am less able to support her learning, I have sought help from within my community e.g. a French tutor, homeschool art mornings at Tinker Art Studio, gymnastics at North Boulder Rec, and dance at Kinesis. So far, I'm feeling good about what I've chosen to take on and to delegate.

"Nothing to excess"

A rule-of-thumb when it comes to children's attention span in minutes is their age plus 5. So, when we're doing "Table Time" together, I've got 10 minutes. I'll admit- that doesn't seem like a lot of time. But, you'd be amazed (heck, I was amazed) at what you can get done in 10 minutes or less. Besides, what is the point of pushing your child past their limits? (None, in fact, worse than none.) So, we spend 10 minutes working on reading skills. Then, we take a brain break. We might do some yoga together and/or look for YT videos that will answer questions that she had posed earlier in the day. For example, "Where do baby carrots come from?" Or, "How do bears climb trees?" And, "What does a duck's penis look like?" End-to-end, "Table Time" is no longer than an hour: roughly two 15-minute periods of work with a 15-20 minute brain break in between. Also, I make an effort to wrap things up when she says she's done. "Live to fight another day" or something like that.

"Certainty brings insanity"

The advantage and disadvantage of being a homeschool parent is that you have to approach all. the. things. with a beginner's mind. I have never done any of this before. When I am able to embrace that mindset, we have the most success and fun learning together. On the flipside, working this way takes up a lot of my mental bandwidth and I always feel that I am fumbling my way forward. But, when you consider the alternative, what choice is there? To cope, I read broadly. I don't know what I don't know, so, I read. I also do my best to keep an open mind when my I get pushback from my child. She has a sixth sense for when I’ve made an arbitrary decision. Nothing slays like when she asks me, "WHY, mom?" Like, why's she got to drop the "my" at the end of "mom"? So serious!

BONUS TRACK: “For the love of Pete (who was he anyways and what did he do?!!) don't be a wet blanket” 

A few days ago, I pulled out some play money for our math lesson. And, Willa was so, SO excited to play with them. But, I insisted that we work on reading skills first since that was our “routine.” But, by the time we got to them, she was a little less excited and a bit more tired from the focused work we had already done. D'oh! Why did I do that? Like seriously? SIGH. Going forward, I will be the wind beneath her wings. Not a wet blanket that puts out the flame of knowledge. 

AUG’ 22

22

A letter to my daughter on our first day of homeschool.

Dear Willa,

I am so excited to start kindergarten! 

Before we talk about all of the things that I’m looking forward to doing together this school year, I want to take a moment to recognize how much you have grown and how much you have accomplished this past summer. 

You:

• moved into a big kid bed

• learned your letter sounds

• learned how to blend 2, 3, and 4 sounds together

• started to sound out words and spell all on your own

• started learning how to swim and, more importantly, learning that you can do brave things

• worked on tricky friendship dynamics

• helped out in the garden

• played your first game of mini-golf

• biked all the way home from the library without stopping!

• started making your own breakfast on Saturday mornings, using a real knife

• participated in 4 new and different big kid camps

I know you will bring your wonderful sense of curiosity, reading skills, number sense, creativity, courage, determination, and love of life to our homeschool. 

This year, we’re going to work on important life skills, like:

• how to read a clock

• how to manage your new allowance

• how to read a book

• growing your writer’s voice

• what to do if you are lost

• what it means to be a good friend

• forming good habits

• and lots and lots more!

I feel honored to be your partner in learning. This will be my first time too. So, I hope you will help me as we both figure out how to learn at home. 

I want you to tell me:

• if you have an unanswered question

• if you need a break

• if you need a snack

• if you find something boring

• if you want to explore something further

• if you need a hug

Remember: I love you always, no matter what.

LOVE,

Mom

AUG’ 22

17

Today would have been Willa’s first day of kindergarten.

Instead, we’re in a cabin at Devil’s Thumb Ranch for a couple of days with her grandparents.

We just arrived. I can hear her laughing and chatting with her Pop Pops from one of the bedrooms. Her Nana is getting her dogs situated. Davis is out on the porch, reading with a glass of rosé to hand. And, here I am, seated at the dining table- the epicenter. Grateful for this time with my family and for the chance to return to this corner of the internet that I carved out years ago to write, think, and share.

While we may not be sending our child to school this fall, it’s an occasion that I can’t help noting. For me, it feels like both a dénouement and a beginning. I have been reading, thinking, imagining, dreaming, and planning to homeschool since before Willa was born. I have also been very conscientious about protecting her early childhood and my early motherhood. For her, it has meant lots of time spent outdoors, the freedom to experience boredom, and being in the company of the people who love her. For me, it has been about being present for this beautiful, if sometimes trying, time of life, doing the internal work of deschooling, establishing health-giving boundaries, and evolving a home rhythm that will serve as the bedrock of our homeschool. I mean to go on as I began: centered on connection and collaboration, and grounded in unconditional love and trust.

We’ll get started on Monday. I’ll make milk bread doughnuts w/ sprinkles for breakfast. She’ll help me fill her homeschool cart with new supplies. Then, together, we’ll explore all the new materials that we’ll be working with this year.

In the meantime, I’ll cool my heels for a little bit longer. I’ve brought along a bag full of mending, a book that I’m reading for book club, and I’ve got a massage scheduled for tomorrow.